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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28685208">Colouring Outside the Lines</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/storywriter55/pseuds/storywriter55'>storywriter55</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Neal and Sara's Wonderful Adventure [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>White Collar (TV 2009)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Crime, Discussion of Abortion, Gen, Life Choices, Unplanned Pregnancy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 06:40:03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>22,444</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28685208</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/storywriter55/pseuds/storywriter55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Neal and Sara struggle with a life-altering decision as Neal and Peter chase down a white collar criminal. Part of the 'Neal and Sara's Wonderful Adventure' series (Week 6).</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Neal Caffrey/Sara Ellis, Peter Burke &amp; Neal Caffrey</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Neal and Sara's Wonderful Adventure [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1995649</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><b><br/></b> <b>Neal's POV</b></p><p>
  <b>Thursday afternoon</b>
</p><p>‘Come on Peter, can’t we just check it out?’ Neal said as he hovered over his partner in the White Collar conference room.</p><p>‘You’re being ridiculous. She’s probably just pissed off at you’ Peter replied as he continued to box up the evidence from the case they’d just finished up.</p><p>Neal checked his phone once again, noting with dismay that Sara still hadn’t responded to his latest text. It had been over an hour and he had a nagging feeling that something had gone terribly wrong with his girlfriend’s latest recovery. Granted, his last text had consisted of yet another dig at her choice of shoes for the retrieval <em>and</em> he'd reminded her (or was that teased her) that it was her turn to figure out dinner. He knew how much Sara hated cooking, preferring to let Neal take the lead in this, <em>his</em> area of expertise. Her idea of getting dinner on the table came down to a choice between Thai or sushi – both of which were on speed dial on her cell phone.</p><p>At breakfast, Sara had mentioned a lead she was following and how she hoped it would lead to the recovery of a lesser known Degas which was rumoured to be fenced out of a warehouse in the garment district that afternoon. Neal had offered to go along with her but Sara had scoffed at the notion – after all, nothing could keep Sara Ellis from her duties as an insurance investigator, not with her trusty baton and her ballsy attitude. She’d been doing this job long before she’d ever started dating Neal Caffrey and she’d always taken care of herself just fine, thank you very much.</p><p>‘Look, Peter, you’re the one who’s always telling me I have amazing instincts... Well, I’m telling you, something isn’t right here. I <em>know</em> Sara’ Neal argued, his voice growing shrill.</p><p>‘Dammit Neal! Why is it I’m always getting caught up in your love life?’ Peter muttered, as he looked over at his CI – which, as it turned out, was his first mistake. Staring into Caffrey’s aquamarine, puppy dog eyes was all it took.</p><p>‘Fine! We’ll go’ Peter relented as he grabbed for his jacket and followed Neal out.</p><p>The drive to the garment district was quiet with Neal brooding as he looked out at the passing traffic and Peter secretly cursing Neal for dragging him out there. It was going on five o’clock and he’d promised El he’d be home for dinner – something he hadn’t managed to do all week. </p><p>The garment district housed several warehouses that had been all but abandoned over time. It seemed like a logical place to start looking. Although Sara was more than capable of taking care of herself and reminded Neal of that very fact every chance she got, he still couldn’t help worrying about her. </p><p>Especially lately.</p><p>Their relationship had intensified to a level that had Neal wondering where they were headed. Since his return from Cape Verde a few months back, they’d hooked up again and this time, things had turned serious. Really serious. And without the many secrets that had been their downfall in the past – the U-boat treasure, the Raphaël – there was nothing left between them but amazing sex and a comfortable, warm intimacy that seemed to be growing day by day. To Neal’s delight, Sara had been spending most nights over on Riverside Drive and on the odd days when they didn’t see each other, he’d begun to feel lost and abandoned. Not that he ever shared this fact with Sara – it was more his style to cajole her into coming over or to find some pretext to drop in on her at her Upper East Side apartment.</p><p>Peter pulled up by the river’s edge between two abandoned warehouses and the two men jumped out of the Taurus agreeing to split up in order to cover more ground. If his hunch was wrong, Neal would never hear the end of it from Peter - or from Sara. She hated being treated like a damsel in distress. She was fiercely independent and could be downright scary at times and Neal was thankful she was <em>with</em> him and not <em>against</em> him. Sara Ellis could intimidate you with a sarcastic comment or a quick swipe of her baton and Neal had seen men much larger than himself cut down to size by the lovely Miss Ellis. If it turned out he was making a federal case while she was safely at home purposefully snubbing his text, he was in for a good tongue lashing or worse yet, an extended period of the proverbial cold shoulder, Sara Ellis style.</p><p>Without success, Neal made his way back to the car to an annoyed Peter who was about to call it quits when Neal spotted a third warehouse tucked in behind the one he’d just visited. They each headed for opposite ends of the building, agreeing to meet in the middle. As with the previous two buildings, this warehouse was dark and musty with dull fluorescent lighting giving it a dingy yellow glow. The building still housed industrial shelving and there were boxes stacked up on the shelves on the south end of the building. It was likely being used to store some illicit merchandise by the looks of it and Peter made his way down the first row towards the back of the building. Neal headed in the other direction and almost immediately, picked up on a small catlike sound, soft but plaintive, and he wondered if a stray hadn't wandered in looking for food. As he continued to skulk down the row of shelves, he picked up on a rustling sound as well as a gentle cough that was decidedly human.</p><p>'Sara?' he called out quietly, surprising himself with the sound of his voice. </p><p>He continued down the aisle, stopping to listen for telltale sounds with each few steps. Rounding the corner, he stopped dead in his tracks at the sight of a human shape lying motionless on the ground, partially covered by a tarp of some sort.</p><p>'Peter, she's over here!' he called out, his voice echoing in the cavernous building.</p><p>He ran the last few steps and immediately kneeled by her side, calling her name and trying as best he could to assess the extent of her injuries. Sara lay on her side, blood pooling around her head, clothing ripped and shoes strewn a few feet away. Neal worked quickly to locate the source of the bleeding which appeared to be a gash on the back of her head hidden underneath her soft red locks. He could see bruises beginning to form on her abdomen where her dress had been torn and noticed her baton discarded and lying nearby.</p><p>Instantly, Peter appeared behind him, phone in hand, calling for help while he surveyed the immediate area to see if those responsible for Sara's brutal beating were still in the vicinity.</p><p>‘Sara… Sara…’ Neal repeated, urging her to open her eyes while checking on her breathing and refraining from moving her and doing any further damage. She moaned, her eyes momentarily drifting open before almost immediately closing again.</p><p>Despite the panic that consumed him, he moved slowly and deliberately as he lifted her head and gently placed it on his lap. Peter hovered nearby, having morphed into full detective mode as he checked for clues as to who the culprits might be.</p><p>The sound of Neal’s uneven breathing could be heard in the quiet space as he continued to repeat his girlfriend’s name to no avail.</p><p>'Why is it taking so long?’ he said, his voice strident and loud, all semblance of the usually calm, cool and collected Neal Caffrey suddenly vanished.</p><p>'It's only been a couple of minutes, Neal. Is she breathing?' he asked, crouching beside his partner.</p><p>'Yeah, she's breathing' Neal replied, trying to catch his own breath as he spoke.</p><p>'Who would do such a thing?’ he murmured as he pushed a strand of hair away to glance at her face. 'I knew I should have said something this morning. I shouldn't have let her come out here by herself. Dammit, she’s so damn stubborn and now look at her.’</p><p>'Don’t jostle her too much… just in case’ said Peter, attempting to be the voice of reason.</p><p>'Her arm… it looks broken' Neal said, surveying the damage.</p><p>In the distance, they could hear the sound of a siren announcing the imminent arrival of the EMT's. Peter took off towards the door they had entered through in order to guide the paramedics to this hidden area of the warehouse.</p><p>Neal stared down at Sara in total shock, trying to make sense of the situation and listening to her laboured breathing as she moaned softly. He reflected on the many sides of Sara Ellis: determined, willful, sarcastic, witty, sexy and he couldn’t reconcile the Sara he knew with this woman he was holding, so defenceless and vulnerable.</p><p>'Don't move, Sara’ he murmured softly. ‘I've got you.'</p><p>Despite his reassuring words, he felt anything <em>but </em>reassuring. He found himself inadvertently counting the seconds until finally, he heard the commotion of the paramedics arriving and the clanging of the gurney as it made its way on the concrete floor.</p><p>The EMT’s immediately got to work on Sara and Neal reluctantly left her side to give them room to manoeuvre. She began to stir, murmuring his name while the paramedics continued to assess the damage and evaluate the best way to lift her onto the nearby stretcher.</p><p>Peter and Neal stood by in silence, unable to move, waiting for Sara to be settled on the makeshift bed so they could get to the hospital and get her properly assessed and cared for. She called for Neal again and he moved to her side reaching for her hand.</p><p>'I'm here, Sara, I’m here’ he repeated.</p><p>‘I’m going to go with her in the ambulance' he called out to Peter as he followed the gurney out.</p><p>'I'll follow in the car' Peter added as he followed suit.</p><p>The ambulance made its way through the streets of Manhattan on its way to Mount Sinai Hospital, sirens wailing as they went. Sara had temporarily regained consciousness and appeared to be in agonizing pain. The paramedics were tending to her head wound and her arm which they’d attempted to immobilize as best they could but Sara seemed confused and upset. She called Neal's name, tears running down her cheeks, reaching out to touch him. He’d never felt quite so helpless, watching someone he loved in pain and in need of comfort and reassurance. He talked to her all the way, telling her she was going to be okay, that he wasn't going anywhere, that the doctors would make it better - anything he could think of to keep her calm.</p><p>Even to his ears, the words sounded hollow.</p><p>WCWCWC</p><p>‘Mr. Caffrey? I'm Dr. Collingwood. I've just finished examining Ms. Ellis’ said the man who had suddenly appeared in front of Neal. </p><p>He was dressed in a lab coat with a stethoscope hanging from his neck; a tall and lean silver-haired man who appeared calm and collected – everything Neal wasn’t at the moment.</p><p>'How is she?' Neal blurted out as he walked towards the doctor.</p><p>'Are you related to Ms. Ellis?' asked Dr. Collingwood.</p><p>'I'm her boyfriend' said Neal.</p><p>'You’re the baby's father' he said more than asked.</p><p>Neal took a quick breath as the bomb the doctor had just dropped made its way through the thick soup that was presently his consciousness.</p><p>'The baby…. yes, I am' stuttered Neal with just the slightest of hesitations.</p><p>The doctor continued. 'Ms. Ellis has suffered a number of injuries. She has a concussion and a nasty gash on the back of her head, her left arm is fractured and she has some bruising on her ribs. She seems to have been kicked repeatedly in the abdomen but for the moment, the baby appears to have a good strong heartbeat although it’s still early days. I do want to monitor her closely though.’</p><p><em>A good strong heartbeat</em> – the words reverberated in Neal’s ears. How soon could you hear a baby’s heartbeat, he wondered.</p><p>'How far along is she?' Neal asked, still in shock at this latest revelation.</p><p>'According to the ultrasound, I’m estimating between six and seven weeks' said the doctor as he checked his notes.</p><p>'Can I see her now?' Neal asked, slightly breathless.</p><p>'Of course, she's still drifting in and out of consciousness but you can sit with her. We've admitted her and we’ve set her arm and bandaged her ribs for the moment. We want to keep her under close observation for the next 48 hours because of the concussion and her pregnancy of course which is now considered high-risk in light of the events of this afternoon.’</p><p>'Thank you, doctor’ Neal said, the news he’d just heard finally starting to sink in.</p><p>He made his way to the 5<sup>th</sup> floor where he was immediately directed to room 508. He stood by the door to Sara's room, peering in, his heart throbbing in his chest. He could see the top of her bandaged head peeking out from the stark white sheets, her body still and motionless. As eager as he was to step inside, to see her for himself, to talk to her and reassure her – and have her reassure him – he needed a minute to process what had just happened.</p><p>Sara was pregnant!</p><p>How? Well, that seemed obvious. But when? If she was already six or seven weeks along, surely she must have known about it and if so, why had she kept it from him? He thought their days of deceit and duplicity were a thing of the past – he had certainly turned over a new leaf and all but left his deceptive ways behind and Sara had never been much of the secretive type, always preferring to tackle things head on. A few dozen scenarios flashed through his mind in quick succession. Maybe she’d decided not to keep the baby, maybe the baby wasn’t his (discounted as quickly as the thought had formed), maybe she was afraid of his reaction or maybe she’d been on the verge of telling him but hadn’t quite gotten around to it. Whatever the reason, he had gotten this life-altering piece of information from the lips of a stranger in an antiseptic setting and the answers to his numerous questions would have to wait.</p><p>Six weeks along… what were they doing six weeks ago – apart from the obvious? Suddenly, he flashed on the night of June’s 75<sup>th</sup> birthday party in late June. It was the night he first realized he was in love with Sara and he’d blurted it out as they’d prepared to have sex. He remembered feeling slightly flustered and more than a little intoxicated from the Château-Neuf-du-Pape that had flowed freely that evening. He suddenly had a vague recollection of a minor malfunction with the condom he had reluctantly taken from his bedside table. Sara had had to remind him to reach for the protection and he had awkwardly unrolled it, ripping it slightly. At the time, he’d thought nothing of it but obviously, his little swimmers had a mind of their own. </p><p>His mind numb and his thoughts scattered, he peered into the room where Sara lay motionless on the bed, still unconscious. This was not the time to throw all these questions at her. He had to give her a chance to heal, to come to terms with her injuries. He was going to have to put on the infamous Neal Caffrey mask for the next few days while the dust settled. The time for questions – and answers – would come soon enough.</p><p>He pushed the door open and stepped into the room.</p><p>TBC</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Peter poked his head into Room 508 and spotted Neal, his head down by Sara’s side holding her hand. </p>
<p>‘Neal?’ he whispered through the half open door.</p>
<p>‘Peter… any news yet?’ Neal asked as he looked up at his partner, hair disheveled and eyes bleary.</p>
<p>While Peter had begun investigating the events of the afternoon, he’d been sitting at Sara’s side waiting for her to wake up. He rubbed his neck to relieve the kink which had begun to develop there and glanced at his watch, noting that it was close to ten o’clock, almost five hours since Sara had been brought in. He looked down at her lying form before standing and making his way to the door, keeping his voice down as Peter signalled him to step out of the room.</p>
<p>‘No, nothing yet but I’ve got a call into Sterling Bosch to try to find out where the lead on the recovery might have come from’ Peter explained.</p>
<p>‘I want in on this case, Peter. I want to know who did this to her’ Neal said, emotion obvious in his voice.</p>
<p>‘Well, right now, your place is here with Sara. Let me see what I can find out’ said Peter as he suddenly spotted something unusual in the CI’s eyes.</p>
<p>‘You okay?’ he added, concerned.</p>
<p>Neal let out a long sigh and glanced into the room where Sara still lay, motionless.</p>
<p>‘I just found out...’ Neal began, hesitating, ‘... Sara’s pregnant.’</p>
<p>He couldn’t believe the words himself. Saying them out loud made them all the more real and for the first time he imagined a baby, a real live baby and he shook his head in disbelief as he took in Peter’s reaction.</p>
<p>‘What?’ was all Peter could manage to say.</p>
<p>The words ‘Sara’ and ‘pregnant’ didn’t seem like they belonged in the same sentence. Sara was anything <em>but</em> maternal and Neal well, in some ways, he was a kid himself with his impulse control issues and his Peter Pan vision of life.</p>
<p>‘How did <em>that</em> happen?’ he asked, shell shocked.</p>
<p>Neal glared at him with a look of disbelief. ‘Seriously, Peter?’</p>
<p>Peter shook his head, the information finally sinking in.</p>
<p>‘Are you okay?’ he finally asked.</p>
<p>‘No!’ Neal replied before he could temper his response. ‘I’m still… trying to wrap my head around it.’</p>
<p>He looked into the room again, feeling an urgent need to get back to Sara’s side.</p>
<p>‘Look, I’ve gotta...’ he began pointing to the room.</p>
<p>‘Yeah, yeah, of course’ said Peter, awkwardly. ‘Go, I’ll check in with you in the morning.’</p>
<p>Neal returned to Sara’s side, settling into the hard back chair and letting his head fall back. Despite the uncomfortable position, it wasn’t long before he drifted into an uneasy sleep.</p>
<p>WCWCWC</p>
<p>It was almost dawn, an orange glow visible on the horizon as Neal glanced out the window of the hospital room. Sara still hadn’t awakened and the doctor had warned him that it could take several hours before she came to. He felt himself slip away again and he closed his eyes, letting sleep claim him although it was a restless slumber filled with bizarre and outlandish dreams.</p>
<p>
  <em>‘Daddy, where do babies come from?’ asked the little girl, no more than four or five years old.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Neal looked down at the child, uncomfortable with the question, yet strangely at ease.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>‘Well, when mommies and daddies love each other a lot, they can have babies’ he explained, cradling the little girl against his chest.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She looked like a miniature version of Sara, her hair fair and her eyes green and he was taken aback by the vulnerability of the child so physically like her mom yet so innocent, so naive. The little girl looked up at him, her eyes filled with wonder and total trust and she smiled at him, apparently content with his explanation. Neal let out a shaky breath as he realized she was totally at his mercy, that he had the sole responsibility for shaping her young mind.</em>
</p>
<p>He woke with a start as he heard a small noise and felt a movement in the hand he’d been clasping for the past several hours.</p>
<p>‘Neal…’ Sara whispered quietly, bringing him back to the here and now.</p>
<p>‘Hey you, how are you doing?' he replied as cheerfully as he could muster.</p>
<p>'Can I have some water?' she croaked out, barely more than a whisper.</p>
<p>He reached for the pitcher, pouring her a glass of water and holding it up to her lips so she could drink slowly.</p>
<p>'Head hurts' she muttered. 'What happened?'</p>
<p>‘That recovery in the garment district, remember?’ Neal asked tenderly not wanting to upset her unnecessarily.</p>
<p>Sara shook her head slowly.</p>
<p>'It’s okay, we can talk about it later’ he said patiently as he placed a gentle kiss on her forehead.</p>
<p>Sara smiled faintly, closing her eyes again.</p>
<p>She looked so damn vulnerable and small lying in the hospital bed and all Neal wanted was to make it all better for her. He squeezed her hand and suddenly the door to the room opened quietly as Marnie, the night nurse assigned to Sara, stepped in carrying Sara’s large handbag.</p>
<p>'She woke up for a minute' said Neal with a small smile.</p>
<p>'That's a good sign’ said the nurse. ‘But with head injuries, you have to be patient. It’s going to take a while for her to remember everything.’</p>
<p>She handed the bag to Neal. ‘I brought Sara's purse – it was left in the ambulance.'</p>
<p>'Thanks' said Neal, reaching to take the handbag from her hand.</p>
<p>He noticed Sara's day timer sticking out and wondered if she might have written down her appointment at the warehouse and the name of her contact. A lead would help him and Peter figure out who was behind this and without hesitation he opened her day timer, lingering on the appointments Sara had noted for the week.</p>
<p>He smiled as he noticed his name jotted down next to a stylized heart, a reminder they were having dinner together the night before – so unlike Sara, he thought. There were still things about his girlfriend he was discovering, including her softer, more vulnerable side and he smiled as he absentmindedly ran his hand over the entry. He glanced in her direction, noticing a small, peaceful smile on her lips as she slept.</p>
<p>He returned to the diary, turning to the next page and noting an appointment at the Women's Clinic on Third Street for the following Tuesday. He knew that Sara’s regular doctor was Dr. Cooper and he wondered why she would be going to a women’s clinic. Curiosity got the best of him and Neal grabbed his phone, googling the name of the clinic – he stared at the screen in disbelief as he read the clinic's mission.</p>
<p>WCWCWC</p>
<p>'But Elizabeth, she was going to have an abortion without even telling me she was pregnant!' Neal was speaking loudly, arms flailing as emotions got the better of him.</p>
<p>'Neal, calm down' said Elizabeth. 'You can't be sure of that.’</p>
<p>'El, the Women's Clinic <em>specializes</em> in abortions’ he answered dismissively, staring off into the distance.</p>
<p>‘How can she do this without even speaking to me about it?' he asked, his voice sad.</p>
<p>'Neal, you don’t know that she wasn’t going to talk to you about it’ said Elizabeth, as always the voice of reason.</p>
<p>Neal let out a long painful sigh. Although he wasn’t quite sure himself how he felt about the situation, he wanted a chance to discuss it with Sara before she made any decision that she couldn’t walk away from. Terminating the pregnancy was so final and Neal wanted the chance to weigh in before it was too late.</p>
<p>'Neal, Sara’s her own person and ultimately this will be her decision.Don't push her – not now, she's not in any shape to have you come at her all self-righteous’ Elizabeth warned. </p>
<p>She knew her husband’s CI all too well. He was impulsive and impetuous and although his heart was always in the right place, he didn’t always think things through before diving in. Sara, on the other hand, was a planner and it took time for her to decide on a course of action, always weighing the pros and cons and usually when she decided on a course of action, her mind was made up – and couldn’t be changed.</p>
<p>Neal listened, shaking his head. The possibility of becoming a dad, although totally unexpected was not without its appeal. He had always loved kids and connected with them easily and the thought of having a mini Sara or mini Neal had its allure for a man with a large ego like Neal Caffrey.</p>
<p>Finally he looked at his friend and confidante. ‘A baby, Elizabeth, a baby…. it's mine too. I should have a say’ he said, his voice breaking.</p>
<p>She shook her head. ‘It’s her body, Neal.’</p>
<p>WCWCWC</p>
<p>Elizabeth's words echoed in his mind all the way to the hospital. Of course, she was right, this was Sara's body and deciding whether or not to have a baby was her decision to make. But he was hurt and disappointed that she hadn't felt she could talk to him about it. They'd been closer than ever these past few months and he felt they could talk about anything. Sure, he still had his little adventures with Mozzie that he didn't offer any details about and their jobs, of course they couldn't always share details about what was going on at the Bureau and at Sterling Bosch. But this was different. It had taken two people to create this situation and he believed that they should both be involved in discussing the fallout.</p>
<p>Neal had enlisted Mozzie to stay with Sara while he went home to shower and change. She’d been in the hospital for over twenty-four hours now and Neal hadn’t yet left her side. Mozzie had agreed reluctantly. He hated hospitals almost as much as he hated the Federal Building but friendship was friendship and truth be told, he’d begun to warm to Sara, ever so slightly.</p>
<p>Upon arriving at the hospital, Neal was pleasantly surprised to see Sara sitting up and chatting with the man. She looked much more alert than she’d been when he’d left her a few hours before.</p>
<p>'Sara, you’re awake!’ he said as he stepped in and kissed her gently. ‘How're you feeling?' </p>
<p>'I can vouch for the fact that she's feeling much better' said Mozzie as he picked up his jacket to leave.</p>
<p>Neal looked up at his confrere, pointing to the door. ‘Can I talk to you before you go?’ he asked.</p>
<p>‘I’ll be right back’ he said, turning to Sara and squeezing her hand.</p>
<p>'Thanks for staying with her Moz' Neal whispered as he closed the door behind them. 'I owe you one.’</p>
<p>Mozzie shrugged. Having Neal owe him one was never a bad thing.</p>
<p>‘Look, Moz, I need your help’ said Neal, his voice low. ‘Peter and I are investigating the attack on Sara. I need you to ask around and see if you can find out who her source was – that’ll lead us to the fence and hopefully the asshole who attacked her.’</p>
<p>He could see Mozzie’s face growing pale and suddenly the older man became agitated.</p>
<p>‘It’s me, Neal! You and the Suit are looking for me! I’m the one who gave Sara the information on the swap!’ Mozzie said, his voice a shrill whisper.</p>
<p>Neal stared at him in disbelief, trying to understand.</p>
<p>‘Look,sometimes I throw a little information Sara’s way and I get... you know, properly compensated’ said Mozzie sheepishly.</p>
<p>‘You’re ratting people out for a few measly bucks?’ Neal asked, indignant. Mozzie was a lot of things but he wasn’t a snitch – at least not to those who were loyal to him.</p>
<p>‘Only when those fences are on my blacklist!’ Moz exclaimed with a sense of entitlement. ‘The fence was <em>Jimmy the Greek</em> and you know how he burned us last year when we tried to fence that Renoir’ he added, indignant.</p>
<p>Neal nodded as he recalled the unfortunate incident.</p>
<p>‘Well, I thought I’d get him back’ Mozzie said, admitting more than he felt comfortable doing - but this was Sara and it was important to find out who had attacked her.</p>
<p>‘You’re telling me that you and Sara have been colluding behind my back all this time?’ Neal asked, petulance and (not so mock) hurt in his voice.</p>
<p>‘Oh, Neal, grow up! We haven’t been <em>colluding</em>... exactly. It’s just a.... you know.... a mutually beneficial arrangement’ said Mozzie his voice growing a little louder.</p>
<p>As much as Neal was incensed that Mozzie and Sara had pulled a fast one on him, he was secretly pleased that two of the most important people in his life were sharing such a sneaky secret.And Sara... wow, she was pretty badass to turn to Mozzie like that, but still!</p>
<p>He shook his head in disbelief. ‘All right, so Peter and I will lean on Jimmy the Greek. We need to find out who the buyer was’ said Neal, returning to the problem at hand.</p>
<p>‘Well, let me know – I want to be watching from the sidelines when you shake Jimmy down’ said Mozzie in full revenge mode.</p>
<p>Neal looked at his buddy with a disapproving look ‘Really, Moz?’</p>
<p>‘Look, I’ve got to get back to Sara’ he added, turning towards the door as Mozzie prepared to take his leave. </p>
<p>Hand on the doorknob, he thought better of it and turned back towards his buddy.</p>
<p>‘So, how much does she give you?’ he whispered, unable to keep himself from asking.</p>
<p>Mozzie just rolled his eyes and walked away.</p>
<p>TBC</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>Sara's POV</b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>Thursday morning</b>
</p>
<p>Sara lay in bed with Neal sprawled out on his back, gently snoring next to her. She looked over at him wistfully, wishing she could find the peace of mind necessary to sleep with such abandon.Unfortunately, she’d been awake for two hours already, replaying the events of the last twenty-four hours for the thousandth time.</p>
<p>Wednesday morning had been like so many other mornings she’d spent at Neal’s apartment. Lately, there had been many of them (too many?). Neal had curled up against her, eyes naughty, hoping to get lucky before starting the day and Sara had snuggled up to him, with the same intent.</p>
<p>Their sex life was amazing - easy and carefree - and morning sex was always particularly relaxed with neither one of them worried about morning breath or bed hair, preferring to just enjoy the moment, without the need to speak a single word. Morning sex was somehow more intimate and as usual, Sara had enjoyed his touch as he’d brought her to climax, a satisfied and smug grin on his face. Lately, there had been more of those moments, moments when Neal’s guard was down and she saw the man lurking underneath the mask. </p>
<p>After the requisite cuddle (always at Neal’s urging), Sara had made her way to the bathroom, mindful to bring her purse along containing the item she had purchased at the drugstore the day before. She’d been putting it off for over a week now and she knew she couldn’t put it off any longer. She’d done her business, then remaining seated on the toilet, she’d stared at the pee stick in her trembling hand, blinking over and over again, afraid to look, yet terrified not to. Although she’d suspected for a while now, she’d managed to con herself into believing it was just nerves.</p>
<p>Right! Nerves in the form of a leaky condom. </p>
<p>Six weeks before, she and Neal had attended a dinner party in honour of June’s 75<sup>th</sup> birthday and they’d both over imbibed, a very unusual occurrence, especially for Neal, and by the end of the evening, they had fallen into bed oblivious to the usual precautions they usually took. She remembered having to remind him to reach for a condom – something he’d never needed reminding of before – and he had fumbled while putting in on, giggling and ripping it ever so slightly. But neither one of them had had the patience or the inclination to try again and they had jumped into action without a second thought. What the hell had she been thinking?</p>
<p>The faint + sign that appeared on the stick had seemed like a mirage and she was totally unprepared for the effect it had on her. Although she had suspected for almost two weeks, she had continued to hope against hope that this wasn't really happening.</p>
<p>A day later, she lay next to Neal, her heart fluttering, anxiously awaiting her morning appointment with Dr. Cooper, her OB/GYN. She needed to explore her options with an objective third party, someone other than Neal and herself who wouldn’t be living with the consequences of her decision for the rest of their lives. Neal stirred next to her, reaching languidly over her abdomen with an extended arm and she looked over at his face, oblivious to the mayhem his little swimmers had unleashed weeks before. She slipped out of his grasp and he moaned disapprovingly as she let her feet fall onto the cool floor and got to her feet.</p>
<p>'Got to get an early start' she whispered.</p>
<p>'Seriously?' he grunted, eyes opening painfully against the morning light.</p>
<p>'Afraid so, I've got an appointment at eight.’</p>
<p>'That seems awfully early' he said as he tried unsuccessfully to reach for her and pull her back into bed.</p>
<p>He let out a sigh, realizing the battle was lost and he threw off the blankets, grabbing a t-shirt off the nearby chair. 'What do you want for breakfast?'</p>
<p>'Toast and tea would be great' she answered as she made her way to the bathroom.</p>
<p>They ate quietly at the kitchen table, Neal filling her in on the case he and Peter were about to close and asking her about her plans for the day.</p>
<p>'I'm hoping for a big score today' she volunteered. 'I got a lead on a Degas that’s being fenced out of a warehouse down in the garment district this afternoon.’</p>
<p>'Sara, I really don't like you going out on these recoveries on your own, especially in that part of town. Why don't you wait until I get off work and I can tag along?' he pleaded, his well tuned spidey senses beeping off the charts.</p>
<p>She gave him that cocky look of self-confidence he knew so well. ’Thanks Caffrey but I've been doing this for a long time and as long as I have my trusty baton, I'm good to go’ she assured him.</p>
<p>She hated feeling vulnerable and she’d developed many strategies over the years to keep herself safe: false bravado, a loud, strident voice, an acerbic sense of humour and of course, her reliable baton. She got dressed and as she grabbed her shoes, the customary Sara Ellis four inch stiletto heels, Neal couldn't refrain from making his usual comment about her poor choice for a recovery.</p>
<p>Their usual banter….</p>
<p>But this morning, it was anything but business as usual as Sara thought ahead to the doctor's appointment she’d made for eight o’clock at Dr. Cooper’s downtown clinic. Although, it seemed like a foregone conclusion, she was about to get the confirmation that she was about six weeks pregnant.</p>
<p>She kissed Neal goodbye, lingering a little bit longer than usual and looking into his eyes where she saw nothing but blissful ignorance and deciding that she really should talk to him after her appointment, maybe over dinner tonight.</p>
<p>'You okay Repo? You look a bit preoccupied' he said, holding her close and trying to get a sense of what was on her mind.</p>
<p>'This is a big one Neal, I just want today to be over’ she said as she made her way to the door. ‘Oh, and let me know about plans for dinner, okay?'</p>
<p>WCWCWC</p>
<p>Sara had made regular visits to this office many times over the past ten years and although visiting your OB-GYN could never be described as fun, she had never been as terrified to open that door as she was this morning. The waiting room was full of women in various stages of pregnancy and she realized that, at least temporarily, she was now part of the club.</p>
<p>She spotted a <em>very</em> pregnant young woman who might pop at any minute. The fleeting thought of childbirth sent a prickly shiver down her spine; she had never before given <em>that</em> ANY thought. And babies... sure they were cute when you passed them on the street or when you saw them in those Huggies commercials but actually popping one out and having to take it home and raise it was a whole other story.</p>
<p>How the hell had she ended up here? Oh yeah, Caffrey and his damn charm. That wasn't fair, she thought. She’d been there too. <em>'I didn't hear you insisting that he take out another condom and start again' </em>she reflected.<em> 'You were just as eager to get down to business as he was.’</em></p>
<p>Neal would freak out if he knew what was going on. Better to keep him in the dark until she figured out for herself what she wanted to do. Maybe he never needed to know anything. She liked the way things were between them just fine, thank you very much. They were finally at a great place in their relationship, a more honest and genuine place than they’d ever been before. Ever since Neal had returned from his island escape, they had slowly begun to rebuild the bond that had been so badly damaged by his departure. Neal had tried hard to make amends and although she could never trust him one hundred percent on every single issue, she knew she could count on him for the important stuff and if she was honest with herself, she’d have to admit she’d had fallen in love with him a long time ago even though she had only just recently admitted it to him – and to herself.</p>
<p>'Ms. Ellis, you can go in' the receptionist said, pulling her away from her thoughts.</p>
<p>Sara followed her into the inner office as if she were walking to the gallows and sat nervously in the doctor's office waiting for her to make an appearance - which took entirely too long in Sara's opinion. Although she’d started on the pill after Neal’s return from Cape Verde, Dr. Cooper had warned her not to take any unnecessary chances for the first month, a warning she appeared to have taken a bit too lightly.</p>
<p>Finally, Dr. Cooper appeared. The kind middle-aged woman with the ready smile and friendly face looked directly at her patient as she took a seat behind her desk.</p>
<p>'Well as you suspected, you’re about six weeks along' she said, taking her cue from Sara's reaction.</p>
<p>'No, I'm <em>precisely</em> six weeks and 6 days along. I know exactly when this happened. Neal and I have always been so careful except for this damn slip-up. I am never touching wine again!'</p>
<p>'Sara, there are worst things in life than an unplanned pregnancy. You're a thirty-year-old woman' said Dr. Cooper.</p>
<p>'That's the point, I still have lots of time, don't I? This really wasn’t the plan Dr. Cooper. I've been back with my boyfriend, Neal - you remember I told you about him – for a few months but he's not exactly white picket fence material and I've never given more than a fleeting thought to parenthood. Shit, shit, shit' she added.</p>
<p>'Look Sara, many options are open to you and I know you’re smart enough to make your own decision but my advice is to give yourself a few days and talk to your young man. People react in different ways to unforeseen events and you may be surprised at his reaction. Do you think Neal wants children?' she asked.</p>
<p>'It’s not exactly on our top ten topics of discussion when we dine at Le Cirque’ said Sara, her usual acerbic wit peeking through.</p>
<p>'All you can do is share how you feel and listen to his point of view. Of course, this is entirely your decision but his input might have an impact on what you decide. Here's a handout with some of your options. Call if you have any questions and please, let me know what you decide and we'll work from there.'</p>
<p>Dr. Cooper stood up to leave and after hesitating for a moment, she gave Sara a warm hug before leaving the room.</p>
<p>'Thanks Dr. Cooper, I do appreciate your advice' Sara spoke very softly as she gathered up her things.</p>
<p>She stepped out onto the street, grabbed a cab to the office and glanced at the handout she had just been given. Her eyes immediately went to the section on pregnancy termination. Her phone buzzed indicating she had a text from Neal <em>'Peter's wearing his lucky tie today - heaven help me!' </em>he’d written. She smiled and thought about how great everything was right now and how she didn't want to change a single thing.</p>
<p>She picked up her phone and dialled the number for the Women's Clinic.</p>
<p>'Hi’ she said ‘I'd like to schedule a termination, please.’</p>
<p>WCWCWC</p>
<p>Back at the office, Sara found herself in work mode and able to compartmentalize what had just happened in the doctor's office. Her mind was made up; now all she had to do was take a deep breath, go through with the termination and it would all be behind her by the following Tuesday night. She was now second guessing whether or not to tell Neal. He was the sensitive one in their coupling and she was afraid he’d feel obligated to make some half hearted attempt to offer support if he found out she was pregnant. He was a good guy and he would never leave her in a lurch but let's face it, it was quite a stretch between being there to rub her shoulders when she’d a bad day at work and committing to raising a child with her for the next twenty years.</p>
<p>She glanced at her watch and realized that it was almost time to leave for the warehouse. She was hoping to recover a Degas – not one of the 'gauzy ballerinas' but the one called 'Race Horses'. It was worth a couple of million dollars and she stood to make an excellent commission if she recovered it – her usual 2% - although this time she was giving Mozzie 10% of her recovery fee. Still, that left her with $36,000, not a bad haul for a few hours of work.</p>
<p>She and Mozzie had collaborated on a couple of recoveries and she enjoyed keeping this little secret from Neal, himself the king of secrets and deception. Mozzie only ratted out felons he’d had run-ins with in the past and he seemed pleased to have the opportunity to stick it to them and make a few bucks on the side. It was a mutually beneficial arrangement and Sara smiled as she grabbed her purse and made her way out the door. </p>
<p>WCWCWC</p>
<p>Across town, Jonathan Martin III was getting ready to leave his penthouse. Today was the day he was finally getting his hands on an original Degas not a wimpy ballerina one but the one with the horses. He loved being one of the privileged few who could buy anything his little heart desired including protection – he had hired two thugs to accompany him to the meet with his fence. After all, he didn't want to get his beautifully manicured hands dirty in the transaction.</p>
<p>WCWCWC</p>
<p>The area was creepy and dirty and Sara looked down at her choice of shoes and sighed. Of course, Neal had been right, these were really not ideal footwear for this mission but she would never admit it and she trudged on – as much as one can trudge in four inch heels. She entered through a half-open door and listened for any telltale signs that someone was in the warehouse. Voices could be heard in the distance and she began walking tentatively in that direction, trying to minimize the click clack of her damn heels - the cement floor didn't help in that regard. She noticed row upon row of boxes on shelves and she started down one of those corridors as the voices grew louder. It sounded like two men and the conversation was getting a bit heated.</p>
<p><em>‘All right’ </em>she told herself, <em>‘walk in there with authority like you belong and you know what the hell you're doing'</em>. She picked up the pace and now she could clearly hear haggling about the price. She rounded the corner at the end of the row and made her presence known.She immediately saw that there were four men, not two as she had expected. Two burly guys stood behind this pale blond guy in a three piece suit and the thugs looked pretty menacing, if truth be told. Across from them, the other man, obviously the fence, was holding the painting in his hands and trying to look intimidating, <em>trying </em>being the operative word.</p>
<p>'Well, well, what do we have here' sneered the guy in the suit. 'Who invited this lovely lady to the party?'</p>
<p>'Save it, buddy' Sara's voice was authoritative and strong. 'I know what's going on here and I hate to burst your bubble but I'm the only one who's going to be walking out of here with that painting. That's stolen goods and I'm here to recover it.’</p>
<p>'Is that so?' the guy answered, his voice cocky.</p>
<p>The fence was looking like he wanted to crawl into a hole somewhere and she turned towards him, putting out her left hand to reach for the painting. Her other hand was shaking in her purse as she felt for her baton under her fingertips. She barely had the time to react when suddenly she felt this blunt force on the back of her head - was that a gun that had just bashed her skull in she wondered as she started to collapse to the ground. Her right hand was still in her bag (for all the good that was doing) and she was caught off balance as she tumbled onto her left side hearing this horrible cracking sound as she hit the cement.</p>
<p><em>'Shit'</em> she reflected. '<em>Didn't see that coming...'</em> She was disoriented but had enough presence of mind to swiftly kick the asshole who had just administered the pistol whip and she hit him mid-leg sending him reeling as he swore colourfully at her. The second thug stepped up and gave her an unexpected kick in the ribs which sent pain all through her body and her shoes flying off her feet.</p>
<p><em>'Hey, those are $600 dollar shoes'</em> she thought, wondering why the hell that would even enter her mind at a time like this. She covered her stomach and turned away from the guy who had administered the kick and sure enough, he was not done with her. He kicked her several more times and after the second kick, she curled up tight on herself and the last thought she had before everything went black was DON'T HURT MY BABY.</p>
<p>TBC</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She had no idea how long she lay there but when Sara finally regained consciousness, she was in agonizing pain. Her head was throbbing as was her side and when she tried to move, she felt excruciating pain shooting down her left arm. She managed to get her eyes open, noticing blood by her head and to her dismay, she saw that her arm was lying in a very unnatural position by her side. The silence was deafening and as the recollection of what she was doing there dawned on her, she realized that no one knew where she was or where to look for her – no one except Neal. She tried to breathe through the pain and, incapable of putting together any coherent strategy, she lay for a moment and drifted off again.</p>
<p>The next time she woke, she was aware that she was partially covered with a sheet or tarp of some sort. She tried to put her thoughts into some semblance of order, reliving the events of the day starting with her appointment with Dr. Cooper. She reached out to touch her stomach, wondering if her pregnancy had been a casualty of the beating. She was surprised to find that she was sad at the thought of losing a baby in such a violent manner and she let out a small sob as she tried to collect her thoughts. She could see her purse a few feet away and realized her phone was still in there. The effort proved too much however and she fell back letting out a groan as pain took hold of her once more. She thought she could hear a noise in the distance (was that someone calling her name?) and then she blacked out again.</p>
<p>Sara came to once again as she heard her name being spoken over and over again. Her brain reacted to the sound but she just couldn’t get her eyes to cooperate. Was that Neal's voice? Had he come for her? She felt her head being lifted and placed onto something soft and the feel of someone stroking her hair.Who was that and why couldn't she manage to pry her eyes open?</p>
<p>The soft caress she’d been enjoying ended abruptly and was replaced by several pairs of hands touching her more urgently and she could hear voices, something about fractures and concussions and then there was Neal’s voice again amongst them all, saying her name. </p>
<p>She still couldn’t get her eyes open but she managed to murmur his name, though her mouth felt like it was full of cotton and then he was touching her hand and talking to her as she felt herself being lifted up off the ground onto a soft surface, the pain in her head and side unbearable. She was crying (<em>God, she hated crying</em>) and she desperately wanted the pain to stop. Where was Neal?Hadn't he been there just a few seconds ago? She was having trouble making sense of anything with the searing pain and the humming in her head. With too many questions and an uncooperative brain, she finally let herself sink into blissful unconsciousness once more.</p>
<p>When she next opened her eyes, Sara was lying in a bed and though her vision was blurry, she could see a dark head of hair lying by her right arm and someone holding her hand.This wasn’t the warehouse anymore she realized as she took in the hospital monitor’s soft beeps and the muted lighting.</p>
<p>'Neal?' she managed to say.</p>
<p>His head snapped up instantly and she could see that his eyes were red and bleary, his hair tousled and his clothes rumpled, very un-Caffrey-like.</p>
<p>'Hey you, how are you doing? he said with a tremor in his voice that she had never heard before.</p>
<p>She was incredibly thirsty. 'Can I have some water?' she managed to say, her voice hoarse.</p>
<p>She felt Neal let go of her hand and watched as he reached over to pour some water into a glass for her. He brought it to her lips. Man, that felt good but she could only manage a small sip.</p>
<p>Everything hurt and she was terribly confused. 'Head hurts' she said to Neal. 'What happened?'</p>
<p>‘That recovery in the garment district, do you remember?’ Neal asked and she could see again how his eyes were red and weary. He was holding her hand again and it helped to anchor her in the here and now.</p>
<p>Sara shook her head slowly but even that small movement hurt and she stopped mid-shake.</p>
<p>'It’s okay, we can talk about it later’ she heard him say and she felt him place a gentle kiss on her forehead.</p>
<p>She was already drifting away as he spoke, as if a wave had come up over her head sweeping her down to the depths of the ocean. </p>
<p>
  <em>Sara was laughing heartily as she tickled the little boy. He couldn’t be more than two years old, and he half sat, half lay on her lap as he let himself totally melt in her arms. He had dark, curly hair and dimples and he was giggling in that way children have of laughing when they’ve lost all control over their bodies. He wiggled in her grip, laughing and gently kicking.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>‘What’s Mommy doing to you?’ she heard as she looked up to see Neal sitting next to them.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>‘Tick-ing’ he answered, laughing warmly.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The three of them continued laughing, caught up in the magic of the moment.</em>
</p>
<p>She continued to drift in and out of sleep and each time she opened her eyes she caught sight of Neal nearby although he didn't seem to notice her eyes opening. At one point, he was in a nearby chair reading a book and the next time she came to, he was sitting, holding her hand with a very sad and faraway look in his eyes. He really needed to shave and shower and change his clothes - he looked horrible, she thought as she felt herself slip away again.</p>
<p>WCWCWC</p>
<p>The next time she woke, she was surprised to find that Neal had morphed into a five foot six bald guy with glasses - until she realized Mozzie was sitting by her side.</p>
<p>'Sara, you’re awake' he said tentatively.</p>
<p>‘Hey Mozzie. Where's Neal?' she asked as she glanced around the room.</p>
<p>'I convinced him to go home and shower and change. He’d been here for 24 hours straight. He should be back soon.’</p>
<p>'Poor guy, he must be exhausted. Can you help me sit up?' she asked as she started to get her bearings. She actually felt human again, a very sore human, but human nonetheless.</p>
<p>‘I’m sorry about what happened’ Mozzie said. 'Was Jimmy the one who attacked you?’</p>
<p>‘No, no’ she answered reassuringly. ‘It was the buyer, he had two thugs with him.’</p>
<p>‘Don’t worry, Peter and Neal are figuring out who was behind this’ he said, touching her hand in an uncharacteristic display of affection.</p>
<p>Sara smiled at him. ‘Sorry about the commission’ she said sheepishly.</p>
<p>Mozzie shrugged. ‘That’s the last thing on my mind right now’ he said. 'well maybe not <em>the</em> very last’ he admitted.</p>
<p>Sara stared off into the distance, her mind miles away.</p>
<p>'Look, I know you’re going through a lot' ventured Mozzie.</p>
<p>'What do you mean?' Sara asked suddenly fearing he somehow knew her secret.</p>
<p>'Well, I saw what you left in the bottom of the trashcan at Neal’s when I was doing my weekly sweep for bugs yesterday.’</p>
<p>She scoffed. ’Really Mozzie? Is nothing sacred? The bottom of the trashcan...'</p>
<p>She took a deep breath but that made the pain in her ribs come alive. 'Mozzie, Neal doesn't know yet and I'm not at all sure I want him to.’</p>
<p>'It’s sort of… major news, don't you think?’ he countered.</p>
<p>'Not if it isn't news at all.’</p>
<p>He looked puzzled for a moment before the little light went on and he frowned in response. Mozzie was nothing if not loyal to Neal and he instinctively saw things from Neal's perspective.</p>
<p>'You're not even going to discuss it with him? And by the way, he already knows and he knows about your little appointment next week.’</p>
<p>‘What?' was all she could say.</p>
<p>'The doctor was updating Neal on your condition yesterday and he asked him if he was the baby's father – dead giveaway. And Neal was looking in your daybook for a lead on who you were meeting at the warehouse yesterday and he stumbled onto your appointment at the clinic next week. He's pretty smart, you know, he figured it out and he's devastated you didn't talk to him about it. More importantly, he's worried about you. He loves you, you know.’</p>
<p>'I know he does. It has nothing to do with that’ Sara said as she sat, reeling from the shock of what Mozzie had just told her.</p>
<p>'Well, I beg to differ’ he said, suddenly having morphed into Dear Abby.</p>
<p>‘Mozzie, you don’t understand - ’ she began as he cut her off.</p>
<p>‘I understand that Neal was left to his own devices growing up and that he would never let a kid of his go through that. He would want to be there Sara and you could <em>count on him</em> being there.’</p>
<p>Sara winced in pain. ’Even if that’s true, Neal is hardly the white picket fence type and neither of us signed up for this when we fell into bed the night of June's damn party' she said.</p>
<p>'Ewww, too much information’ Mozzie said as he put his hand up to stop her. ‘Sara, I will deny ever having said this but there are many ways of parenting a child. It doesn't automatically mean marriage, a mortgage and a dog. Give Neal a chance to - ’</p>
<p>As if right on cue, the door to the hospital room opened and there stood Neal, looking much more refreshed than when Sara had last seen him. He was wearing a blue coloured polo and dark jeans and a big smile and she wanted to run to him and have him hold her and make all this mess go away.</p>
<p>'Sara, you’re awake! How're you feeling?' he asked as he walked purposefully towards her. He kissed her gently on the lips and she savoured the taste and smell of him.</p>
<p>'I can vouch for the fact that she's feeling much better' said Mozzie as he picked up his jacket to leave.</p>
<p>‘Can I talk to you before you go?’ Neal asked as he pointed to the door</p>
<p>He turned back to look at Sara, his eyes soft and oh so blue.</p>
<p>‘I’ll be right back’ he said as he squeezed her hand.</p>
<p>She watched as the men stepped out of her room and stood right outside, discussing whatever Neal and Mozzie discussed when they were alone and she let her mind wander to what Mozzie had just told her. </p>
<p>Now that Neal knew about the pregnancy, she had no choice but to discuss it with him. Whatever he said to her, she would have to remain strong in her resolve to go ahead with her plans. He had a heart of gold and she knew he would be there for her in a New York minute if she asked but this was no small favour and she just couldn’t imagine Neal Caffrey committing to raising a child for the rest of his life. In many ways, he was a child himself, so impulsive and quick to act and that was exactly what got Neal into trouble most of the time – including this time. </p>
<p>She could see Neal and Mozzie preparing to say goodbye and she braced herself for what would come next.</p>
<p>TBC</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sara could see Mozzie and Neal chatting in the hallway, just outside her room. She wondered in passing what they were discussing although, over time, she had learned to accept that there were things between the two men that she would really rather not know about.</p><p>Any second now, Neal would return and in light of what Mozzie had just told her, he would probably want to talk about things or worse yet, offer to become involved and provide some sort of support. She prepared mentally for the vigorous discussion Neal would likely want to have. Neal had a good heart and she knew that his feelings for her were genuine but this, this new development, it brought everything to a whole new level – one neither one of them was prepared to handle competently no matter what Neal thought. </p><p>She’d known from the moment she’d suspected she was pregnant that she could not go through this on her own. Parenthood was a huge commitment at the best of times but with her demanding job, her ambitions and her lack of interest in being a single mom, the decision had been easy. The one element she had neglected to factor in was Neal’s reaction and she was about to find out how he felt, although she knew him well enough to know he would offer to be there for her and the baby. Offer, yes but she didn’t think Neal would ever be able to deliver on such a promise and she didn’t want to be the one left holding the bag (or the baby in this case) when he finally decided that the novelty had worn off.She wondered where she’d ever gotten such a jaded perception of Neal when, in fact, he was nothing but caring and loving - but where commitment was concerned, her faith in him wavered.</p><p>She thought back to the emergency doctor’s earlier visit. He’d confirmed that, indeed, her pregnancy had survived the attack. Sara had been unconscious the night before when they’d brought her down for an ultrasound and Dr. Collingwood had brought along a sonogram for her to have. She turned with some effort and reached into the drawer of the small bedside table as she took out the small photograph to study it once more. The doctor had pointed out the eyes and mouth and the beginnings of the fetus’ limbs. He’d mentioned that some of the organs had begun to form and he had reassured her that the heartbeat was nice and strong. Although none of those features were evident to a lay person like Sara, she gazed at the picture trying to see what the doctor had skillfully pointed out.</p><p>Unexpectedly, Sara began to feel emotion rising in her, an unfamiliar tightening of her throat and she quickly put away the photograph before Neal returned. This was not the time to let herself be led by her emotions, this decision had to be made with a clear head and rooted in logic, not emotion.</p><p>She watched as Mozzie began to walk away and Neal came through the door once more, a big smile on his face as he made his way back to her, standing by her side and running a gentle hand through her hair. </p><p>‘Everything okay?’ she asked.</p><p>‘Yeah, Mozzie’s going to give us a hand on the case. We’ve got a name for the fence so hopefully he can lead us to the guys who did this to you’ he responded as he continued gazing into her eyes.</p><p>She smiled softly. Neal taking care of her was new and in her present state, she had to admit she wasn’t hating it.</p><p>'You’re looking much better. It's great to see you sitting up' he said as he took her hand.</p><p>'The doctor was here earlier. It looks like I'm going to make it after all' she added with a nervous laugh. 'He said the worse part will be letting these ribs heal so please, do <em>not</em> make me laugh…'</p><p>'How does your head feel' asked Neal, gently touching the bandage covering her head wound.</p><p>'Better, but I’ve still got a mammoth headache’ she answered, wincing for effect.</p><p>‘I'm going to have a lovely bald spot for a while until my hair grows back – not very sexy, I'm afraid' she added with a sardonic laugh.</p><p>'You always look sexy to me' said Neal with a naughty smile.</p><p>There was an awkward silence for a few seconds and Neal sat down in the chair by Sara’s bed, still clasping her hand. She decided they had ignored the elephant in the room long enough.</p><p>'You know, don't you?' she said quietly not quite managing to look in his eyes.</p><p>‘Yeah…' he murmured softly. ‘The doctor let it slip yesterday while he was updating me on your condition.’</p><p>He took a deep breath before continuing. ‘Sara, why didn’t you tell me?’ he asked, trying desperately not to let his tone sound accusing or reproachful.</p><p>She finally let her eyes meet his. 'To be honest, I was embarrassed at first. We're not teenagers anymore and I couldn’t believe we’d let this happen when we’re usually so careful.’</p><p>'The night of June’s party, huh?’ Neal asked, already certain of the answer.</p><p>She nodded.</p><p>‘Look…’ he said, his blue eyes sparkling. ‘It’s totally my fault. I’m sorry. I had too much to drink that night and... well, things got pretty intense as I recall.’ </p><p>For an altogether different reason, Neal thought of that night as a turning point in their relationship.He’d blurted out his feelings for her as the evening had come to an end and they'd felt a closeness and intimacy they’d never experienced before when they’d made love. He smiled as he realized that the pregnancy had come from that intense moment.</p><p>‘I was there too, Neal. I didn’t insist you take out another condom... It was just stupid of us, just a stupid mistake’ she said, her voice full of regret.</p><p>Neal looked at her thoughtfully. Although he’d only known about the pregnancy for twenty-four hours, he didn’t think of it as a mistake. He saw it more as fate intervening in their lives. He was a romantic and if this had happened, he believed it had been meant to be.</p><p>‘Sara, it’s <em>not</em> a mistake - ’ he began as she cut him off promptly.</p><p>‘Neal, neither one of us is ready for this and I just figured I would take care of it and then we could just carry on like before and no one would be the wiser' she said, looking at him tentatively.</p><p>Neal had kept things from Sara on so many occasions in the past, the worse of which was the secret of the U-boat treasure which had ultimately led to their first breakup. She'd been so hurt by his betrayal and now that the tables were turned, he could see how keeping secrets could sting and undermine a relationship. Secrets were poison and he thought he and Sara had finally turned a corner when he’d returned from the island. He’d come clean to Sara about everything, including his short affair with Maya and although telling the truth often hurt in the short term, he believed that it had allowed their relationship to move forward.</p><p>'Do you remember the night you came to see me just before my commutation hearing? Do you remember what you said to me when you walked into my apartment that night?' he asked as he recalled the night he and Sara had talked until the wee hours of the morning, sharing details about their pasts.</p><p>She nodded. 'Yeah, I told you not to keep things from me– that I could handle the truth and come to my own conclusions' she answered sheepishly.</p><p>'Don't you think that advice applies here? You didn’t even give me a chance...’</p><p>‘A chance? At what, Neal, at ruining both our lives? This isn’t something that’s going to go away in a few months, this is a lifetime proposition and let’s face it, you don’t have a very good track record when it comes to commitment’ she said, her voice full of reproach.</p><p>The words stung but she was right - he hadn’t proven himself in the past where long term commitments were concerned. He often bailed when things got tough. But somehow, this was different. He knew in his heart of hearts that he could never bail on his child – <em>ever</em>. He swallowed hard before he spoke, trying to refocus as he let the sting from Sara’s comment fade away.</p><p>But despite his resolve, there was harshness in his comment as he spoke. ’Sara, is the idea of co-parenting a child with me <em>so </em>terrible?'</p><p>He immediately regretted the tone he’d used as he saw the reaction in her eyes.</p><p>'That’s not the point' Sara said grimacing as she tried to sit up further.</p><p>Neal could see she was struggling and he came to his senses, concern for Sara overriding his hurt and anger and he gently placed a hand on her shoulder to get her to lie back on the pillow.</p><p>'Look, I’m sorry. This obviously isn’t the right time to talk about this. Why don’t you rest for awhile and we can talk later' he suggested, trying to take the high road.</p><p>Sara was in no fit state to have such an intense discussion and he began to feel like he was bullying her.As much as her comment had stung, she was right – he <em>didn’t</em> have a very good track record of going all the way with the commitments in his life. He fancied himself a free spirit and told himself that although he loved Sara, he would always be free to walk away whenever he wanted to and he knew she felt the same way. They were both adults and if, at some point in the future, either one of them wanted to call in quits, they could just walk away – perhaps wounded, like he’d been when Sara dumped him the first time – but they would survive. </p><p>A baby, a child was something he could never walk away from. Even Neal ‘free spirit’ Caffrey knew that.</p><p>Sara settled back on the pillow, her eyes already drooping as she spoke. 'We can finish this discussion if you want, Neal, but it's not going to change anything. My mind is made up.’</p><p>Neal sighed and smiled – a very small Neal Caffrey smile – and nodded.</p><p>'I'm not going anywhere. I'll be here when you wake up' he said, kissing her forehead.</p><p>He looked down at her as she closed her eyes and began to drift off. He’d been pushing too hard – she needed time to process all this and he needed to sort out his own thoughts and feelings. She was asleep in minutes although her sleep seemed restless. A few times, Neal heard her moan and clutch her stomach with her good arm and he wondered if she was re-living those horrible moments when she’d been attacked in the warehouse. He suddenly felt guilty for upsetting her when she needed to remain calm and save her energy for healing - both emotionally and physically. </p><p>Whatever came of this, he had Sara’s feelings to consider and he couldn’t bulldoze her into seeing things his way. Elizabeth’s words came flooding back. This was Sara’s body and ultimately, she would decide the outcome, not him.All he could do was sort out his feelings and tell her as honestly as he possibly could where he thought he might fit into the equation.</p><p>A gentle knock was heard at the door and Neal looked up.</p><p>TBC</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Neal looked up to find Peter standing there with Elizabeth lurking behind him, carrying a bouquet of colourful flowers.</p>
<p>'Hi' Peter whispered. ‘Is this a bad time?'</p>
<p>‘She just fell asleep’ said Neal softly.</p>
<p>Elizabeth entered the room and walked towards Sara, setting the bouquet on the bedside table. She smiled sadly as she took in the sight of the young woman who was fast becoming her friend.</p>
<p>‘Look, why don’t you guys go have coffee and I’ll sit with Sara in case she wakes up’ she offered.</p>
<p>Neal looked from Elizabeth back to Sara, unsure about leaving her.</p>
<p>‘She’ll be fine, Neal. It’ll do you good; go on’ Elizabeth insisted.</p>
<p>For all her quiet demeanour, El could certainly be forceful and Neal gave in, leaning in to give Sara a small kiss on the forehead and making sure she was well covered up with the cool white hospital sheet before making his way out of the room with Peter.</p>
<p>The men strolled slowly towards the cafeteria, down on the basement level, and Neal had to admit it felt good to step out of the room for a few minutes; he hadn’t fully realized it but the walls were beginning to close in on him. The hospital was a busy place at any time of the day or night and Neal was surprised at the number of people – staff, patients, visitors roaming the hallways; it was almost eight o’clock on a Friday night and the place was buzzing.</p>
<p>‘Well, I found out the identity of the snitch who told Sara about the swap’ Neal said as he looked over at Peter.</p>
<p>Peter looked up expectantly.</p>
<p>‘It’s Mozzie’ Neal said, pausing for dramatic effect.</p>
<p>‘Mozzie?’ Peter repeated.</p>
<p>‘Apparently my buddy and my girlfriend have a little side deal going’ said Neal with an amused smile. ‘Whenever Mozzie wants to exact revenge on some poor unsuspecting fence who did him wrong, he rats him out to Sara and in exchange, she throws a little compensation his way.’</p>
<p>‘Remind me not to get on Mozzie’s bad side’ said Peter.</p>
<p>Neal gave Peter a ‘<em>are you kidding</em>’ look. Peter was permanently on Mozzie’s bad side it seemed and vice-versa.</p>
<p>‘So, I was thinking if you and I could lean on this guy – he could lead us to whoever’s behind what happened to Sara’ Neal said, pausing. ‘And, maybe, as a bonus we can recover that piece of art and Sara can get her well-deserved commission.’</p>
<p>It was Peter’s turn to look cockeyed at Neal.</p>
<p>‘Okay, maybe <em>I </em>can recover the piece of art...’ Neal continued.</p>
<p>‘Don’t tell me, I don’t want to know’ said Peter, shaking his head. ‘So, when can you get away so we can pay this guy a little visit?’</p>
<p>‘I’ll check in on Sara early in the morning and then maybe I can nip out for an hour or so’ said Neal as they finally arrived at their destination.</p>
<p>‘Can Mozzie point us in the right direction?’ asked Peter, totally unnecessarily.</p>
<p>Neal repeated the same look he had given Peter a moment before.</p>
<p>‘Ofcourse he can’ said Peter, shrugging.</p>
<p>They each picked up a cup of coffee and settled in at a table towards the back of the cafeteria, away from prying ears.</p>
<p>'El told me about the conversation you two had. How are you doing?' Peter asked.</p>
<p>'I’m confused mostly... a little angry, disappointed, sad, you name it…' Neal answered, staring down at his coffee cup.</p>
<p>'Have you spoken to Sara about it yet?' asked Peter. Although babies and pregnancy terminations were not his forte, he wanted to give Neal a chance to share whatever was on his mind.</p>
<p>'We started to but she's not up to it and I don't want her to feel bullied until she can hold her own’ Neal said with a faraway look in his eyes.</p>
<p>‘Peter, am I missing something, here?’ he finally asked, looking intently into his partner’s eyes. ‘How would you feel if Elizabeth plotted to have an abortion without even telling you she was pregnant?'</p>
<p>'Slow down, Neal. I don't think you can qualify this as <em>plotting</em> and as far as El and I are concerned, we've been married for twelve years. I don't think you can compare our situations at the moment. Your relationship with Sara is still new and you’ve only just started talking about it – give it a little bit of time…'</p>
<p>Neal interrupted, reacting impulsively to Peter’s comment. 'Time? That’s just it Peter, there <em>is</em> no time! She has an appointment booked for an abortion on Tuesday - that’s four days away!'</p>
<p>'Neal, I doubt she's going to be going anywhere in four days. She's recovering from a major trauma. Would you stop being so damn impulsive. It's obvious she loves you and you love her so cut yourself some slack and give her some space. Now that you've broached the subject, give her time to think about things. All you can do is let her know how you feel about things and open up the conversation’ Peter said, pausing to make sure Neal was listening.</p>
<p>‘So, how <em>do</em> you feel about the possibility of becoming a father in seven and a half months?' he asked.</p>
<p>'I don't know. I'm still wrapping my head around it. I just don't want Sara to do anything rash until we've talked it through. I've always dreamed of having kids someday and I agree this is not the ideal time but we're not a couple of teenagers. We’re both adults with jobs and resources’ Neal answered, his voice full of emotion.</p>
<p>‘Are you ready to make a long term commitment to Sara?’ asked Peter.</p>
<p>Neal took a long time before answering.</p>
<p>‘I don’t know’ he said truthfully. ‘I love her but I'm not sure I’m ready to commit to a life with her – not yet anyway.’</p>
<p>'That's my point, Neal, maybe she's thinking the exact same thing. You need to talk it through but bottom line, it's her decision, all you can do is tell her how you feel and what you would be willing to do.'</p>
<p>'That's just it’ said Neal, looking intently at his coffee cup. ‘I guess I'm not sure myself what I want.'</p>
<p>WCWCWC</p>
<p>Sara had been asleep for about thirty minutes when the night nurse came in to check her vital signs.Elizabeth stepped aside and watched as Sara began to stir, waking as the nurse poked around taking her blood pressure and checking her intravenous line. She glanced at the small table by Sara’s bedside where she’d accidentally found the sonogram as she’d searched for something to put the flowers in.She wondered if Sara had shared the ultrasound picture with Neal. Knowing how Neal was feeling, El ventured a guess that the emotional punch the small piece of paper packed would not be very conducive to bringing him to a more balanced view of things.</p>
<p>As the nurse finished up, Sara spotted El nearby and smiled at the sight of her friend; the short nap had done her good and she was feeling more rested.</p>
<p>‘Hi Elizabeth’ she said, her voice strong.</p>
<p>‘How are you feeling?’ asked El, settling in beside her and taking her hand.</p>
<p>‘I wouldn’t run a marathon but I’m feeling better than this morning’ said Sara, taking in the sight of the colourful bouquet by her bedside.</p>
<p>‘Oh, thank you. Those are lovely’ she added.</p>
<p>‘I hope you don’t mind… I poked around inside the bedside table to find that water pitcher’ said Elizabeth.</p>
<p>‘Oh. I guess you saw that sonogram, huh?’ Sara asked as she reached over to take it out once again.</p>
<p>‘Have you shared that with Neal yet?’</p>
<p>Sara laughed softly. ‘I don’t think Neal seeing this will help much with the discussion. He’s sufficiently in ‘emotion’ mode as it is.’</p>
<p>‘Have you made a decision?’ asked Elizabeth, holding her breath.</p>
<p>Sara smiled wistfully. ‘I’ve already made up my mind. I can’t see myself raising a child on my own.’</p>
<p>‘What about Neal?’ Elizabeth asked knowing full well where Neal stood on the matter.</p>
<p>‘Well, you know Neal. He has this romantic view of the world. He seems to think we could make a go of things – you know <em>co-parenting’ </em>Sara said, the last word spilling out with slight disdain.</p>
<p>‘I take it you wouldn’t be open to the idea?’</p>
<p>‘Elizabeth, this is Neal Caffrey we’re talking about. I can’t see him making any type of long term commitment, can you?’ Sara said, searching her friend’s eyes.</p>
<p>‘I don’t know. I guess that would depend on his level of motivation.’</p>
<p>‘Trust me, nothing good can come of this, Elizabeth. At some point, Neal would feel tied down and I would be left to cope on my own. I just don’t want that for my life. When, and more importantly <em>if</em> the time comes, I want to do this with someone by my side willing to share the load’ Sara said, sounding awfully sure of herself.</p>
<p>‘You seem to have made up your mind about Neal. I thought you two were doing great since he got back’ commented Elizabeth.</p>
<p>‘We are, that’s the point. I don’t want to rock the boat – we’re fine the way we are....’</p>
<p>Sara stopped mid-sentence: even to her ears, the words sounded hollow. If she went through with a termination, she knew that it would have a long term effect on hers and Neal’s relationship. </p>
<p>‘Do you know that the fetus has eyes and a mouth’ Sara said dreamily, returning to the picture ‘and...’</p>
<p>Suddenly her voice broke and she began to cry. Elizabeth squeezed her hand and waited while Sara regained her composure.</p>
<p>'Neal’s been so worried about you, Sara. Do you know how much he loves you?'</p>
<p>Sara nodded, tears streaming down her face 'I love him too. That’s why I have to be strong for the both of us. I can't put Neal in a situation where he has to con me and himself into believing that he can be there for the next twenty years.'</p>
<p>'Why are you assuming that it would be a con?' asked Elizabeth.</p>
<p>'Because Neal loves to help people, especially those he cares about and if he sees that I am wavering and have any doubts as to my decision, he's going to take that as cue to step in and save the day. I don't want that. Maybe if it was a year from now and we had a little more history…..’ she said, wiping her face and letting the words trail.</p>
<p>'You know, there's never a <em>right</em> time Sara. There's always a reason to put off having a baby. Look, I don't want to project my situation onto you, but when it doesn't happen for you, you realize what a gift a child truly is’ Elizabeth said as she, in turn, became emotional.</p>
<p>She stopped for a moment, looking into Sara’s eyes. 'You know except for your fears about facing parenthood alone and not wanting to pressure Neal, you haven't told me how you would feel about becoming a mom.’</p>
<p>Tears continued down Sara’s face as she spoke. 'When I was lying on that cement floor and that thug was kicking me… all I could I think about was keeping my baby safe.’</p>
<p>Elizabeth nodded in understanding as they were interrupted by the door to Sara’s room opening wide, the men finally returning. Sara made quick work of hiding the sonogram under the sheet as Neal stepped in followed by Peter.</p>
<p>‘Hi Sara’ said Peter. ‘I hear you’re feeling better.’</p>
<p>Sara continued wiping her eyes, returning to her strong, willful self. ‘Yeah, they’re talking about letting me leave maybe as early as Sunday.’</p>
<p>‘That’s great!’ said Peter, feeling some tension in the air and wanting to avoid it at all costs. ‘Honey, are you ready to go?’ he asked, turning to Elizabeth.</p>
<p>‘Yeah, yeah I am. Take care of yourself, Sara. Maybe you two can come over for dinner Sunday, if you’re up to it’ she said, rising and hugging her friend.</p>
<p>Sara nodded and smiled, thanking Elizabeth for the visit and the Burkes departed leaving Neal and Sara alone.</p>
<p>Neal took the spot in the chair by the bed that Elizabeth had just vacated and looked down fondly at Sara.</p>
<p>‘So, are you going to tell me what you’re hiding under the sheet?’ he asked.</p>
<p>TBC</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sara looked sheepishly at Neal. She was always amazed at how astute he was – nothing ever got past him. She reluctantly slipped her hand back under the sheet, coming clean and producing the small piece of paper she had just hidden there.</p>
<p>‘Is that what I think it is?’ he asked as he rose to stand beside her.</p>
<p>‘The doctor came by earlier and dropped it off; it’s from my ultrasound last night’ she said.</p>
<p>Neal took the piece of paper from Sara, his eyes widening as he took in its significance. He let himself fall on the edge of the bed next to her, his eyes riveted on the sonogram.</p>
<p>‘So, what did he say?’ he asked Neal as he kicked off his shoes and put his feet up on the bed alongside hers.</p>
<p>‘These are the eyes…’ she said pointing to the image.</p>
<p>‘Really? That’s incredible’ Neal said, motionless, as he continued staring at the small piece of paper in his shaking hands.</p>
<p>Sara turned to look at him and was totally bowled over by the look of amazement on his face. This was exactly what she’d been trying to avoid. Neal was a sensitive man at the best of times but he had just been handed a photograph of his unborn child and the look of bewilderment and wonder in his eyes was just too much for Sara. She took a deep breath, feeling herself starting to lose control.</p>
<p>‘… and this is the mouth’ she continued, her voice breaking as a small sob escaped her lips.</p>
<p>Neal turned to face her, reluctantly pulling his eyes away from the picture he was holding. He brought his arm around her shoulder, carefully avoiding the cast on her arm.</p>
<p>‘You okay?’ he asked gently.</p>
<p>‘No, no, I’m not, Neal. I’m really tired. Would you mind heading out and letting me get some sleep?’ she asked, her voice shaking.</p>
<p>‘Sure’ he said.</p>
<p>He immediately recognized her request for what it was - an attempt at deflecting away from the overwhelming feelings she could no longer contain. He could see she was simply unable to deal with the emotional reaction the sonogram had triggered. He turned, placing a soft kiss on her lips and then Neal did something that totally threw Sara for a loop. </p>
<p>He stood, his eyes still riveted on the small piece of paper he was still clutching in his hands and he gently brought it to his lips, tenderly placing in on the bedside table before walking out of the room.</p>
<p>WCWCWC</p>
<p>Once Neal was out of sight, Sara began to sob uncontrollably. She hadn’t bargained on all the emotions that had begun to surface, causing confusion and turmoil. Two days ago, the decision had been simple, logical, uncomplicated. Why, all of a sudden, was she overcome with doubt? Did she already love this baby with eyes and a mouth? Apparently, Neal did and Sara’s heart broke at the thought that she might be making a terrible mistake. Was she judging Neal too harshly by assuming he wasn’t up to making this commitment? Or was this just a fleeting moment of doubt she had to overcome for the better good of all of them.</p>
<p>Neal was the only one who seemed to believe in her at the moment and she was about to make a decision that would change their lives forever.</p>
<p>WCWCWC</p>
<p>Neal walked the twelve blocks back to Riverside Drive in a complete daze, not remembering a single landmark as he finally arrived at his apartment shortly past 11:00. </p>
<p>He was still reeling from what he’d just seen. He’d never experienced anything quite so overwhelming and incredible in his whole life. Neal had seen a lot of things in his thirty-five years: beautiful landscapes in faraway lands, amazing pieces of art, gorgeous architectural designs in the great cities of the world but he had never in his life seen anything quite as amazing as what he’d just laid eyes on.He loved Sara and Sara loved him and the expression of that love had produced a unique being with the potential to be whole unto himself. The thought was just too much to process and Neal realized his whole body was shaking as he began to prepare for bed.</p>
<p>He lay down and began to breathe deeply, trying desperately to collect his thoughts and calm his reeling mind. He imagined himself holding a newborn baby in his arms and surprisingly, the image calmed his breathing and he began to focus on the real implications of the pregnancy.This was not some romantic fantasy, he realized, but a live human being who would be totally dependent on him and Sara – at least for the foreseeable future. If he committed to help raise this child, he had to be damn sure that he was able to follow through on that commitment. This was not the time to let his impulses and his heart rule his mind – Sara had been right on that score. </p>
<p>Neal had made many of the decisions in his life by intuition and what often got him into trouble was the impulse to act before he truly worked out all the ramifications of his actions. It was his worse flaw and yet his instincts were rarely wrong, in the end. In this situation, the stakes were incredibly high and the implications enormous for Sara, this baby and himself. There was absolutely no room for error. Sara had done her part by being honest with him. She was unwilling and unable to raise a child on her own. He respected the fact that she knew where she stood and he realized that he had to be just as brutally honest with her – and with himself.</p>
<p>If he made this commitment to her and to this baby, it had to be with a rational mind and a clear knowledge of the implications. He knew with certainty that he could never be an absentee dad. He had been left to fend for himself as a child, first with both parents then with his mom in witness protection and he believed that this had contributed to him going down a very dangerous and difficult path: a life of crime. He would never allow another human being, especially not his flesh and blood, to make the choices he had made. He would be there no matter what it took and this sudden realization helped calm his mind which was still reeling from information overload. </p>
<p>Neal had always enjoyed being in the presence of children, they were spontaneous and genuine and they didn’t care about what you’d done or where you’d been, they accepted you for who you were. He felt that his life experiences, although not all shining moments, had prepared him to support a child through rough times and he could imagine himself alongside Sara raising a baby, a young child, a teenager. </p>
<p>Neal thought back over the last few months, realizing that, after many years of struggle and uncertainty, he had finally come to a settled and happy place in his life. He had a year left on the anklet, his relationship with Peter was stable and the trust factor had never been higher, he loved the work he was doing, he and Mozzie had arrived at a mutually agreed upon level of straying off the straight and narrow and his relationship with Sara left him happy and fulfilled. He didn’t want to face life without her because, as far as he was concerned, a life without Sara was not the life he wanted for himself and although he didn’t feel ready to commit to her for the rest of his life, he loved her and didn’t foresee a time in the future when his feelings would change. He’d had enough of sowing his wild oats and he was perfectly fulfilled in his relationship with Sara.</p>
<p>The answer to the burning question – could he commit to being a parent for the rest of his life – began to come clearly into focus. He wanted to be there alongside Sara raising their child. The sudden realization was so clear and so unequivocal that he was filled with a sense of calm and he promptly fell into a dreamless sleep.</p>
<p>WCWCWC</p>
<p>Sara looked down at the food tray the hospital attendant had left. One look at the runny eggs and the pale piece of toast smothered in butter and her stomach began to do flip flops. Nausea reared its ugly head once again and Sara began to heave, grabbing the plastic bowl laying on the bedside table and putting it to good use as she felt the pain in her ribs flare up. </p>
<p>She had suspected even earlier in the week, that she had begun to have morning sickness, another sure sign of her present circumstance but she had chosen to ignore the symptom as she’d dealt with the pressing need to come to a decision about her situation. As she was getting her bearings and preparing to call for the nurse, she spied Neal arriving, his arms laden with bags and coffee cups.</p>
<p>‘Hi’ he said simply as he struggled to open the door to her hospital room.</p>
<p>She looked up, self-conscious at him finding her holding the contents of her stomach on her lap but he remained composed as he put everything down on the nearby windowsill, coming to her rescue and removing the utility bowl from her lap.</p>
<p>‘Neal, no’ she said weakly, totally embarrassed at him finding her in this state.</p>
<p>‘Sara,it’s fine. Here let me take that’ he said making his way into the bathroom to empty and clean the bowl.</p>
<p>He returned with a wet cloth and proceeded to wipe her mouth, a sweet gesture that Sara found totally humiliating despite his good intentions.</p>
<p>‘Sorry’ she mumbled.</p>
<p>‘There’s nothing to be sorry for, Sara. It’s morning sickness. Your body’s not totally in control right now’ he said bringing his lips to her forehead to deliver a kiss.</p>
<p>She smiled shyly and she looked over at the many offerings Neal had brought. They included a beautiful orchid, her favourite flower, some baked goods she guessed from the white paper bag as well a couple of Starbucks cup.</p>
<p>‘Believe it or not, I could really go for that’ she said, cocking her head in that direction. ‘Skinny mocha?’</p>
<p>‘Of course’ he said walking over to retrieve the cup and bringing it to her.</p>
<p>‘Thanks Neal’ she said, taking the cup from him and inhaling its wonderful aroma.</p>
<p>‘So’ Neal said looking at the plastic bowl. ‘How long has that been going on?’</p>
<p>‘Pretty well all week’ she answered, thinking back to the couple of times she’d had to run to the bathroom from her desk at Sterling Bosch.</p>
<p>‘I’m sorry. That can’t be pleasant’ he said, taking her hand.</p>
<p>‘It’s just temporary’ she replied with a shrug.</p>
<p>Whether she meant that her pregnancy would soon be ending or that the morning sickness would pass in a few months, Neal couldn’t tell. He didn’t want to go there just yet and he let her comment pass without a response.</p>
<p>‘How did you sleep?’ he asked.</p>
<p>She rolled her eyes. Sleeping in a hospital room was a hit and miss proposition at the best of times. Add to that, a cast, an IV line and other monitors and a constant raging pain in your ribs and it was a recipe for insomnia.</p>
<p>‘So, has the doctor been by?’ he asked, eager to hear if she’d be coming home soon.</p>
<p>‘Yeah, he was here earlier. He says if I have someone to take care of me, I can leave tomorrow’ she said, a sudden smile on her face.</p>
<p>‘That’s great. June’s happy that you’re coming to stay.’</p>
<p>‘You sure?’ she asked.</p>
<p>Neal touched her cheek sweetly. ‘I wouldn’t want it any other way.’</p>
<p>‘Okay’ Sara responded as she took a sip of the heavenly nectar.</p>
<p>‘Look, Peter and I want to pay Jimmy the Greek a little visit. Do you think you’ll be okay for a little while if I nip out?’ he asked.</p>
<p>‘Sure. Elizabeth said she’d be dropping by later.’</p>
<p>‘I’ll be back as soon as I’m done and maybe I’ll have a surprise for you’ he said mysteriously.</p>
<p>‘Oh, yeah? I like surprises’ she said as Neal leaned it to kiss her suggestively on the lips.</p>
<p>‘Neeeeal’ she whined suddenly concerned about the state of her breath.</p>
<p>‘I love you’ he said, in response.</p>
<p>TBC</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There were two things Mozzie knew about Jimmy the Greek: he was a weasel of the worse kind and he had a very weak bladder so Mozzie lay in waiting in one of the washroom stalls at Joe’s Bar and Grill waiting for the show to begin.</p>
<p>Neal and Peter were ensconced in a booth at the back of the not so stellar establishment, sipping bad coffee as they kept an eye on their prey, two booths over chugging down on a plateful of eggs, bacon and chips. They wanted to have a private conversation with the fence and Mozzie had convinced them that he would be visiting the washroom in the very near future due to a bladder which, according to Moz, was the size of a thimble. Sure enough, they saw the man rise, walk past them and make his way to the back of the restaurant to the men’s room.</p>
<p>Peter and Neal looked at each other, nodding, and stood to follow him. By the time they opened the door, the slimy fence was finishing his business and Peter walked over to the sink, ostensibly to wash his hands while Neal walked towards the urinal pretending to take a wizz. As the man started to leave, Peter blocked his way as Neal joined him, standing between the man and the exit.</p>
<p>‘Caffrey?’ said Jimmy, recognizing the CI.</p>
<p>‘Hi Jimmy. It’s been a while’ said Neal, smirking.</p>
<p>Peter flashed his badge and the man instantly became nervous, attempting to leave.</p>
<p>‘We hear you were present for a very unpleasant exchange on Thursday afternoon’ said Peter.</p>
<p>‘I don’t know what you’re talking about...’ Jimmy began, stuttering.</p>
<p>‘Cut the crap, Jimmy.We know you were there’ said Neal, anger rising in his chest.</p>
<p>‘All we want from you before we let you go on your merry little way is the name of your ‘client’ said Peter, leaning into the man threateningly.</p>
<p>‘I don’t know...’ he began again as Neal interrupted once more, grabbing the lapel of his rumpled shirt.</p>
<p>‘Look, if you don’t want to be charged with aggravated assault, you better tell us who did it’ said Neal, his voice growing angry.</p>
<p>‘I didn’t touch her, Caffrey’ said the man, panicking.</p>
<p>‘Then tell us who did?’ said Peter, trying to keep things on an even keel.</p>
<p>‘Mmmmmartin’ Jimmy stuttered. ‘Jonathan Martin. Some high life over on West 48<sup>th</sup>’ he finally admitted, eager to slip out of Neal’s grip.</p>
<p>Neal dropped his hand then, in a very uncharacteristic gesture for the normally peaceful man, he gave a quick thrust with his knee targeted right at the fence’s groin as the man let out a whimper.</p>
<p>‘That’s for letting an innocent woman get beaten within an inch of her life’ he said, teeth gritted as he opened the door and unceremoniously dumped the man on the other side. They watched as he slithered away, not bothering to stop at his table to finish his breakfast.</p>
<p>‘Satisfied, Moz?’ Neal called out as he and Peter prepared to follow the fence out.</p>
<p>Mozzie sat in one of the toilet stalls, a sly and satisfied smirk on his face.</p>
<p>WCWCWC</p>
<p>Neal and Peter arrived at the prestigious address shortly before noon and upon seeing Peter flash his badge, the doorman called up to the penthouse to announce their arrival. They made their way up in the elevator taking in the opulence of the building and Peter briskly knocked on the door to be let in. The door opened to reveal a man, in his early to mid twenties, obviously a young guy of privilege who stood before them in a silk robe which Neal couldn’t help but admire.</p>
<p>‘What can I do for you gentlemen?’ he asked as he stepped aside to let them in.</p>
<p>Neal instantly disliked his cocky demeanour – in his heyday as an art thief, this had been exactly the kind of target Neal loved to hit on, smug, self-entitled assholes who thought they were above the law. They walked in, taking in the sprawl of the apartment, Neal looking around to see if he could spot any telltale signs of the stolen painting.</p>
<p>Peter flashed his badge in an attempt to intimidate the man but Martin continued to stare unblinking at the agent, totally self-possessed, as only the privileged feel they have a right to do.</p>
<p>‘We understand you were witness to a brutal beating on Thursday afternoon’ Peter said, studying the man’s eyes as Neal continued to look around the lavish penthouse.</p>
<p>‘I’m afraid you’re mistaken’ said the man, his voice arrogant. ‘I was here all afternoon.’</p>
<p>‘Is that so?’ said Peter, his stern FBI face firmly in place ‘We have a witness who has a different version of events.’</p>
<p>‘Well, your witness is full of shit’ said the man smiling smugly.</p>
<p>‘I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to come down to FBI headquarters and give us a formal statement’ said Peter, returning the smug smile.</p>
<p>‘Come on, you’re kidding me’ Martin whined sounding like a petulant teenager.</p>
<p>‘Afraid not’ said Peter. ‘Now unless you want to parade around the city in that robe, I suggest you get dressed.’</p>
<p>The man rolled his eyes and made his way to the bedroom to dress while Neal began casing the joint more openly.</p>
<p>‘Neal...’ Peter said, his voice a warning.</p>
<p>‘Yes, Peter’ answered Neal, innocently.</p>
<p>‘I know what you’re thinking’ Peter said, his voice quiet as he took in the sight of Neal poking around various corners of the apartment.</p>
<p>Neal just shrugged. ‘Why Agent Burke, I don’t know what you’re talking about’ he said as he cocked his eyebrows.</p>
<p>‘Just don’t get caught’ Peter said, whispering. Now was not the time for Neal to be hauled in by the local police for breaking and entering.</p>
<p>Neal looked at Peter with mock hurt. ‘Peter, that’s just hurtful.’</p>
<p>Jonathan Martin reappeared looking totally ‘Ivy league’ and gave a long, bored sigh.</p>
<p>‘Let’s get this over gentlemen. My lawyer will meet up with us at your offices’ he said.</p>
<p>Martin led the way, stopping briefly to set the alarm and the men walked out with Neal bringing up the rear as he took one last look at the layout of the place, plotting his imminent return.</p>
<p>WCWCWC</p>
<p>Elizabeth arrived in room 508 of Mount Sinai Hospital just before noon and found Sara sitting up reading what looked like a case file.</p>
<p>‘Hi’ she said in greeting as she walked over to her friend.</p>
<p>‘Good morning’ said Sara, looking up.</p>
<p>‘Sara, really? Is that a case file from work?’ Elizabeth asked, reproach obvious in her voice.</p>
<p>‘Busted!’ answered Sara. ‘It was in my purse and...’ she let her voice trail.</p>
<p>‘You’re supposed to be resting’ admonished Elizabeth in her usual Elizabeth way.</p>
<p>‘Awww’ moaned Sara. ‘Resting is highly overrated.’</p>
<p>‘Well, it does have its purpose.You’re recovering from a beating, you have a concussion, bruised ribs, a broken wrist and....’ El began.</p>
<p>‘All right, all right! Point taken’ said Sara as she closed the file and placed in on the small table by the bed.</p>
<p>‘So, how are you feeling this morning?’</p>
<p>‘The doctor said I could leave tomorrow – and Neal is insisting I go stay with him at June’s’ said Sara searching El’s eyes.</p>
<p>‘Sounds like a good plan’ she answered, smiling.</p>
<p>Sara nodded but El could see there was something she wasn’t telling her.</p>
<p>‘What? Not a good plan?’ she asked.</p>
<p>‘I don’t know, Elizabeth. We’re still talking things through’ Sara said.</p>
<p>‘Do I detect some doubt in your voice?’ she asked, suddenly hopeful that Sara was having second thoughts.</p>
<p>Sara shrugged in response. ‘I don’t know...’ she said, her voice sad. ‘Neal found out about the sonogram.’</p>
<p>‘Oh!’ El said, simply.</p>
<p>‘Elizabeth, you should have seen his face. He was totally.... he was mesmerized... and he –‘ Sara stopped as she thought back to the night before and the look on Neal’s face as he stared lovingly at the piece of paper.</p>
<p>Elizabeth waited patiently for Sara to finish.</p>
<p>‘ – before he left, he just stared at it and then... he kissed it...’ she said, her voice faltering. </p>
<p>El looked at her friend, sensing her confusion and taking her hand in a show of support.</p>
<p>‘What did you expect, Sara? This is Neal. He wears his heart on his sleeve.’</p>
<p>Sara nodded as tears began to spill.</p>
<p>‘I just don’t know anymore.I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing’ she admitted. ‘I can’t let Neal see that I’m wavering or he’ll jump on his white horse and come to the rescue.’</p>
<p>‘Would that be so terrible?’ asked Elizabeth.</p>
<p>Sara just shook her head as she looked down.</p>
<p>‘You know, Neal may be impulsive but he’s not stupid’ El continued. ‘He knows what’s at stake here and he’ll be thinking long and hard about this, too. You two really need to have it out, no holds barred and you’re going to have to trust that Neal is telling you the truth about how he really feels’</p>
<p>‘But that’s just it, Elizabeth. It shouldn’t be about how we <b><em>feel</em></b>’ Sara answered.</p>
<p>And as she said the words, she realized that it might just well be <em>exactly </em>about that.</p>
<p>WCWCWC</p>
<p>‘Mozzie, you in position?’ Neal asked through the Bluetooth.</p>
<p>‘Yeah, no sign of him’ replied Mozzie.</p>
<p>He was lurking around the perimeter of the building on West 48<sup>th</sup>, playing lookout to Neal’s cat burglar as the younger man slipped in the service entrance of the building. It was Saturday at noon and the place was quiet as Neal made his way to the elevator without being detected. He was damned if he was going to let this lowlife retain the stolen painting and he was looking forward to returning it to Sara so she could get her recovery fee and put this one in the ‘win’ column. </p>
<p>He made his way up to the penthouse he’d left a while before and he took out his trusty lock pick set as he prepared to break and enter and steal a valuable painting – all with the best of intentions, of course. He made quick work of the door and proceeded to the alarm where he promptly punched in the code – 48723 – he’d seen Martin type as they’d left.</p>
<p>‘This place is full of great stuff’ Neal whispered as he began to walk around.</p>
<p>‘Keep your eye on the prize, Neal!’ Mozzie warned in his ear.</p>
<p>This was akin to being in a candy store for a guy like Neal Caffrey and it was so easy to slip back into his former skin as an art thief. The place was loaded up with great art- regardless of how sleazy this guy was, he obviously had great taste - and Neal began to move around the place, trying to locate the coveted painting. He’d seen this particular piece at the Henie Onstad in Oslo years ago and he looked forward to setting eyes on it again, this time with a view to returning it to its rightful owner. He moved around the apartment going from room to room checking out the obvious spots to begin with. He figured a guy like Martin was just stupid enough to have hung the painting in plain sight in his living room but it wasn’t the case and Neal realized he would have to dig a little deeper to find it. He began to worry that maybe Martin had stowed it away somewhere else but just as he was about to give up, he spotted a tube in the back of the man’s bedroom closet and held his breath as he uncapped it to look inside. </p>
<p>‘Race Horses’ – there it was in all its glory.</p>
<p>‘You got it?’ he heard in his ear. Neal hadn’t realized he’d spoken out loud.</p>
<p>‘Yeah!’ he said triumphantly.</p>
<p>‘Neal, mayday, mayday!’ Mozzie’s voice said, urgently.</p>
<p>‘What? Don’t do that Moz!’ Neal replied, annoyed.</p>
<p>‘He’s here, Neal and he’s entering the building’ Mozzie said, panic obvious in his voice.</p>
<p>‘All right!’ Neal answered with an edge of impatience to his voice.</p>
<p>He literally couldn’t help himself and he made his way back to the man’s dresser where he’d spied something interesting earlier and Neal grabbed for it as he heard the door to the penthouse open.</p>
<p>TBC</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Neal stood quietly behind the bedroom door of Jonathan Martin III’s penthouse, as he heard the man enter the apartment, speaking loudly on his phone.</p>
<p>‘I’m not going down for this!’ he was saying angrily to whoever was on the other end.</p>
<p>‘They say they’ve got a witness’ he continued making his way into the bedroom and walking to his bedside table to recover something Neal couldn’t quite see from his vantage point.</p>
<p>‘Well, do something. I’m not paying you to sit on your ass. Did you pay off Hastings and his sidekick?’ he was saying as he finally made his way into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.</p>
<p>Neal took advantage of the few seconds in which Martin was out of sight to make a hasty exit, joining Mozzie who was nervously pacing in front of the building.</p>
<p>‘Here’ he said as he threw something at Mozzie. ‘That’s for your trouble – and consider this your commission on the recovery.’</p>
<p>Mozzie caught the Fabergé cufflinks midair and smiled smugly. He’d just gotten himself a $20,000 commission.</p>
<p>WCWCWC</p>
<p>By the time Neal made his way back to the hospital it was almost two o’clock and he found Sara napping as he slipped quietly into her room. He noticed she had fallen asleep holding something in her hands and he walked over, curious, noticing it was the sonogram clutched against her chest.</p>
<p>He smiled as he glanced down at it, thankful that Sara was apparently feeling some attachment to their unborn child. He looked at her face, calm and serene and, recalling how upset she’d been the night before, he found himself wishing she was having happy dreams, away from the turmoil she’d obviously been feeling. She looked beautiful lying there, despite the bandage on her head, her face was relaxed, a small smile on her lips and Neal momentarily let himself imagine Sara as a mom, cradling an infant as she breastfed him. For all her attempts at trying to appear cold and distant, Neal knew it was just a front; Sara was still so afraid of getting hurt. He’d made some headway into that part of her psyche as she had in his and as time went on, both of them were having more and more difficulty keeping their true selves from the other. </p>
<p>Truth was, he thought they’d make a pretty terrific team as parents – he, the sensitive one and she, the no-nonsense one – a great combination of tough love and sensitivity. This was definitely the time to speak up, before it was too late. He needed to appeal to her soft side, the one she kept hidden away from everyone except him. Suddenly, Sara stirred, opening her eyes and spying Neal looking down at her, eyes full of love and concern.</p>
<p>‘What?’ she said as she took in his clear blue eyes.</p>
<p>‘You, that’s what’ he answered. ‘You looked so peaceful. Sweet dreams?’</p>
<p>‘No dreams, actually, just a great restful nap’ she countered, sitting up.</p>
<p>‘What time is it anyway?’ she added, beginning to get her bearings.</p>
<p>‘Just past two. Did Elizabeth come by?’ he asked.</p>
<p>‘Yeah, we had a nice visit’ said Sara, her voice quiet as she thought back to the conversation she’d had with her friend.</p>
<p>Neal smiled in response.</p>
<p>‘So, how did it go with the fence?’ she asked.</p>
<p>Neal’s smile widened. ‘Great! I think you’ll be pleased. First off, we got the guy who was making the buy and Peter is following up with the two thugs who beat you up - so hopefully, by tomorrow, all three of them will be facing assault and battery charges.’</p>
<p>Sara nodded. ‘Good! That is good news.’</p>
<p>‘And…’ Neal added as he stood up to get the tube he’d left by the door ‘…as a bonus...’</p>
<p>‘No! You’re kidding me?’ Sara said with a wide grin. ‘He gave that up willingly?’</p>
<p>Neal just shrugged in response. It didn’t take much for Sara to figure out what he’d done and she smiled in appreciation.</p>
<p>‘Well, well. Neal Caffrey, art thief working for the other side’ she exclaimed.</p>
<p>He moved in closer and bent over to place a lingering kiss on her lips.</p>
<p>‘I <em>can</em> be good, you know’ he said provocatively.</p>
<p>‘Oh, believe me, I <em>do</em> now’ she replied, pulling him in for a deeper kiss with her right arm hooked firmly around his neck.</p>
<p>Neal let himself be pulled in and climbed onto the bed alongside her, mindful of her sore ribs and bad arm as he began to move his lips along her jaw line, down to that spot behind her ear that always drove her crazy. She purred in response, letting the good feeling invade her whole body – even the sore parts.</p>
<p>‘Am I going to get to trouble for this?’ he murmured in her ear.</p>
<p>‘Not with me, that’s for sure’ she replied as she held him close.</p>
<p>‘Sara…’ he groaned, his voice full of lust and desire.</p>
<p>‘Neal…’ she whispered just as longingly.</p>
<p>She’d missed his touch and the easy way they’d found of fitting together and she thought, once again, about the elephant in the room and how they had to clear the air once and for all. She gently pushed him away so she could look into his eyes and despite the familiar and all too pleasant stirring in the pit of her stomach, she willed herself to put some distance between them.</p>
<p>‘Neal, I think we should talk’ she said as he took in the serious look in her eyes.</p>
<p>He reluctantly pulled away, taking the seat next to the bed and he took the sonogram from her as it lay on her chest, right by her heart. He gently placed it on the bedside table, standing it up against the flower vase before returning his eyes to his girlfriend.</p>
<p>‘For a little guy, he sure has us talking about him a lot’ he said in a feeble attempt at humour.</p>
<p>‘So, what’s going on with you, Caffrey?’ she asked.</p>
<p>‘I know you think I let myself be ruled by my heart but you have to know I’ve been giving this a lot of thought’ he said quietly, taking her hand in his.</p>
<p>‘You’re right’ he added, stopping to look into her eyes.</p>
<p>She held her breath as he spoke, wondering where he was going with that – was he agreeing that a termination was the way to go on this? Her heart skipped a beat at that notion, realizing she just wasn’t leaning in that direction anymore and saddened that Neal might be ready to throw in the towel so easily.</p>
<p>‘You’re right…’ he repeated, ‘…when you say that we can’t make this decision strictly with our hearts.I want to be totally and brutally honest with you, Sara. I realize this is probably the single most important decision you and I are ever going to make and I want you to know that I am coming clean – 100% on this, okay?’ he said, waiting for her reaction.</p>
<p>‘Okay, I agree. No cons, no deflections, just real, honest feelings’ she said, suddenly afraid of what he was about to share.</p>
<p>Neal nodded in agreement. ‘I love you, Sara. That’s the first thing I want you to remember. It took me a long time to realize it and even longer to admit it to myself and to you.’</p>
<p>She smiled as he spoke. ‘I love you too, Neal. But that’s not what this is about.’</p>
<p>‘You’re right, it isn’t but this baby has come from the love we have for each other’ he said. </p>
<p>His voice was becoming uneven and he took a deep breath to steady himself. ‘Look, we’ve both had less than ideal childhoods. I know you had a lot of issues growing up, especially with your dad and I was left on my own a lot and we both know where <em>that</em> got me. So, I think it’s normal that we’re a little more skittish than the average person at the idea of becoming parents.’</p>
<p>‘I worry about that too, that I won’t have what it takes to be a good mom. I’m certainly not what you’d call ‘nurturing’ said Sara, laughing sadly.</p>
<p>‘I think you’re selling yourself short on that score, Repo. Over the past few months, I’ve gotten to know a whole new side of you and when you let your guard down, I can see your vulnerabilities and I know that when you care about someone, you can be loving and kind. So don’t try to con me into believing anything else’ Neal said, as he ran his hand gently up and down Sara’s cheek.</p>
<p>‘Neal, my main concern is whether or not you can live up to such a huge commitment. I know you mean well but I also know that I could never do this alone - ’ Sara said, putting her cards on the table.</p>
<p>Neal interrupted her‘...and I respect that, that’s why I’ve thought of nothing else the last few days and I know that what I say to you today, in this moment, has to be the absolute truth – no bullshit, no con.’</p>
<p>‘That’s all I ask. I just couldn’t take it if you said you were going to be there and then you realized that you couldn’t live up to your promise’ she said.</p>
<p>‘Sara, I know we’re still working on us and we have a ways to go but as far as this baby is concerned, I’m <em>totally</em>, 100% committed. It might not be the traditional way to do things but you and I, we <em>have</em> been known to colour outside the lines.’</p>
<p>Sara looked away and he could see that she was struggling with wanting to believe what he was saying, not because she thought he was knowingly trying to deceive her but because she wondered if he’d managed to con himself into believing he was ready to become a father.</p>
<p>‘Look at me, please. Sara, this is way too important for me to deceive you or myself. I’m not the same man I was a year ago or even a few months ago. I want to be the kind of man you can count on and be proud of.’</p>
<p>His blue eyes locked with hers as he continued. ‘If you choose to have this baby, I will be by your side raising him and looking out for him for the rest of my life. I don’t know about us yet, but I haven’t ruled out that we might want to commit to each other in the future. I’m not here to make some kind of grand gesture and ask you to marry me because I want to be totally honest and I... I’m just not there, not yet anyway.’</p>
<p>‘That’s not what I want from you, Neal’ she answered, seeing the sincerity in his eyes.</p>
<p>He nodded. ‘But I do love you and I want to be with you and I will NEVER abandon this child, ever. I can’t make it any clearer than that. It’s up to you to decide whether you can believe in me or not’ he said, fear rising in his chest.</p>
<p>Sara’s eyes filled with tears as she realized that Neal was leaving the final decision up to her. Like she’d done earlier, he’d now laid <em>his </em>cards on the table, coming clean as honestly as he possibly could and she had no doubt as to his sincerity BUT this was Neal Caffrey and despite his best intentions, things didn’t always work out as he’d planned.</p>
<p>She touched his face. ‘Thank you. I know this was hard for you but I need some time to think this through.’</p>
<p>It was Neal’s turn to fight tears as she noticed his eyes watering up. He swallowed hard, trying not to get carried away. He didn’t want to play the emotion card. He knew Sara, for all her common sense and reasoning was already dealing with her own emotions and even if she hadn’t quite realized it yet, he knew deep down that she already loved this baby as much as he did. He had to give her the space she was asking for and pray that she would have enough faith in him to embark on this new adventure, one that he now realized he wanted more than anything else.</p>
<p>They both laughed nervously, wiping each other’s tears.</p>
<p>‘So, are you hungry? Can I get you anything?’ he asked, changing the subject.</p>
<p>Sara looked up at him fondly. ‘I am hungry...’ she said, her voice hoarse. ‘Come here.’</p>
<p>Neal let himself be pulled into her, his lips finding hers as he slipped his arm around her waist.</p>
<p>TBC</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was nine o’clock on Saturday night and Sara had already slipped into a deep sleep. It had been an emotionally draining day and she hadn’t been able to stay awake for very long after eating the small portion of dinner Neal had coaxed her into having. She was being released from the hospital in the morning and he had promised to be back first thing to pick her up and bring her home. Neal sat watching her sleep and after a while, realizing he was getting tired himself, he kissed her gently on the forehead, whispering an ‘I love you’ and he stepped out of the hospital into the warm summer night.</p>
<p>Despite his tired state, he was feeling restless so he picked up his phone and called Peter, asking if he could pop in for a quick visit. He wanted to know how his partner had gotten on with the two thugs and truth be told, he felt the need to talk to both Peter and Elizabeth about the situation with Sara.He cabbed it over, arriving a little past nine thirty and he let himself in, spotting the Burkes on the couch watching television.</p>
<p>‘That was quick’ said Peter as he stood to get them both a beer.</p>
<p>‘Not much traffic’ said Neal as he sat in the chair across from the couple.</p>
<p>Elizabeth looked over at him fondly. She loved Neal and she was growing very fond of Sara and although she was hoping that they would all be welcoming an Ellis-Caffrey baby in the spring, she knew the decision wasn’t hers to make so she braced herself as Neal prepared to fill them both in on what had transpired.</p>
<p>‘So, was Mozzie able to find out who this Hastings guy was?’ Neal asked.</p>
<p>‘He was. Shawn Hastings and the other guy’s name is Gus Landry. We brought them both in this afternoon for a little chat. They were more than happy to implicate Martin – they knew they were going down and they didn’t want to go without him.’</p>
<p>‘So, you’ll be able to charge all three of them?’ asked Neal, relieved.</p>
<p>Peter nodded. ‘Funny thing though, no sign of the painting anywhere...’</p>
<p>‘Oh, I forgot to tell you – Sterling Bosch received an anonymous call this afternoon. The painting was recovered so Sara will get her commission after all.’</p>
<p>‘Oh, is that so?’ asked Peter, knowing full well how things had really gone down.</p>
<p>Neal looked on innocently and nodded, talking a sip of his beer.</p>
<p>‘So, how’s Sara?’ asked Elizabeth, changing the subject.</p>
<p>‘Good, really glad to be leaving the hospital tomorrow’ said Neal with a sigh.</p>
<p>‘You seem pretty happy yourself’ said Elizabeth.</p>
<p>Neal shrugged. ‘I’m looking forward to having her stay with me. She’s going to need help over the next few weeks while her arm and her ribs heal.’</p>
<p>‘And the baby...’ El ventured as Peter gave her an annoyed look. Elizabeth was, for lack of a better word, downright nosy at times.</p>
<p>‘We had a good talk. I told her how I felt – that I’m ready to commit and that I really want this baby... It’s up to her now, I have to give her some space’ said Neal, his voice low and serious.</p>
<p>Peter looked over at his buddy who was visibly on pins and needles and he empathized with what he was going through. He’d seen Neal evolve over time and recently, it had become obvious that his relationship with Sara had intensified and matured. He believed that the younger man was ready for such a commitment and he knew that he and Elizabeth would always be there to offer support, no matter what.</p>
<p>Elizabeth reached out and touched Neal’s hand. ‘Well, for what it’s worth, I’m rooting for you, Neal.I think Sara’s had a rough time trying to figure this out. That sonogram really shook her up. I don’t think she was expecting to have all those feelings flare up.’</p>
<p>Neal nodded as he listened. ‘In the end, I think we kind of met in the middle – it took me a while get past my emotions and to reason things out and I think with Sara, it was the opposite, she needed to have some time to get in touch with her feelings.’</p>
<p>Suddenly, Neal got a faraway look in his eyes. ‘I’m hoping she’ll find a way to believe in me because I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.’</p>
<p>Elizabeth gave Neal a reassuring smile and Peter gave him a pat on the shoulder.</p>
<p>‘So how about the two of you come over for dinner tomorrow night’ suggested Peter.</p>
<p>‘Honestly,’ said Neal. ‘Let’s just wait and see how things go. The one thing I <em>haven’t</em> figured out yet is how we’ll get past this if Sara decides not to go through with the pregnancy. But... I’m hoping that won’t be the case.’</p>
<p>WCWCWC</p>
<p>Sara lay in bed staring at the full moon outside her hospital window. Neal had been gone a while and after having slept for almost an hour, she was now once again wide awake. She glanced at the sonogram Neal had placed by the bedside and she began to examine it, running her hand lovingly over the abstract image, the moonlight giving it an unexpected glow. Neal had made some compelling arguments. Although they were both the products of rough childhoods, in some ways this made them even more sensitive to the needs of a child. She imagined herself holding a baby with Neal nearby and she realized that the feeling she got from that image was soothing and calm not at all the hysteria and panic she’d been feeling earlier in the week. </p>
<p>With Neal by her side, she felt she could take on just about anything and she thought back to the night of June’s party. The intimacy and physical closeness had culminated in Neal telling her he loved her for the very first time. She thought back to the look on his face that night. She’d realized at the time that he’d been just as surprised as she’d been at the admission. It was a testament to the evolving state of their relationship; they had grown closer and more trusting of each other over time and the outcome was a closeness and intimacy she had never before dreamed of having with anyone, least of all a man as carefree as Neal Caffrey.</p>
<p>Although the pregnancy had definitely resulted from carelessness on their part, she reasoned as Neal had, that it had come from a most intimate moment between the two of them, a moment when they’d realized that their relationship was so much more than a passing fling. As much as the thought of raising a child was overwhelming, it wasn’t nearly as scary when she imagined sharing this adventure with Neal. </p>
<p>She picked up the phone and dialled his number.</p>
<p>WCWCWC</p>
<p>Neal made it back to his place shortly after 11:00. It had definitely helped to talk about things with Elizabeth and Peter. They were solid and he knew that no matter what happened, they would be there to support him and Sara. Although it was unsettling to realize he had no control as to the outcome of the situation, he felt somehow relieved. He’d told Sara exactly how he felt and he had been totally honest, leaving nothing out. Now, there was nothing left to say and there was nothing more he could do. He lay in bed looking through the skylight at the moon shining down and began to breathe deeply, hoping to find sleep. His last thought was of Sara, lying in her hospital bed and he’d begun to slip away when his phone rang, causing him to sit up suddenly.</p>
<p>‘Neal’ came Sara’s warm voice. 'I just wanted to say, I’m in if you are.’</p>
<p>WCWCWC</p>
<p>Sunday morning arrived and Neal took one last look around the apartment. Everything was in place for Sara's arrival - food in the fridge, fresh linen on the bed and flowers on the table. He was looking forward to having her home – to having them both home. Now that they knew where they were headed, the future looked bright. It had been a difficult few days but Sara was safe and so was the baby and they were both coming home. He closed the door gently behind him and headed to the hospital to pick her up.</p>
<p>WCWCWC</p>
<p>They spent the afternoon getting Sara settled in, Neal heading over to her apartment to collect some things while she napped on the bed at June’s. She looked radiant and so much more settled than she had been in a couple of weeks. Now that they were on the same page, they both visibly relaxed and the laughter came easily despite the fact that Sara was still physically very fragile.</p>
<p>When Neal returned with some clothing and personal items for her, he found her still asleep and slipped in quietly beside her so as not to wake her. He’d missed sharing his bed with her and he lay there, propped up on his elbow, looking fondly at her as she began to stir.</p>
<p>‘What are you looking at?’ she asked, laughing.</p>
<p>‘I’m looking at the two of you’ he said, obviously delighted.</p>
<p>‘Oh, my god! I’ve got seven and a half months of this to look forward to, don’t I?’ she said, giggling.</p>
<p>‘You better get used to it, Mommy’ Neal answered, deliriously happy.</p>
<p>She reached out to touch his face as he kept his eyes riveted on hers. ‘Thanks, Neal – for giving me the space to figure this out for myself.’</p>
<p>He nodded as he let out a long sigh. ‘Thank <em>you</em> for believing in me. This wasn’t an accident Sara, this was meant to be. This is our time, our very own adventure’ he said as he placed his hand lovingly on her flat stomach.</p>
<p>WCWCWC</p>
<p>Elizabeth was fussing as if she’d never before had people over for dinner. She busied herself with the last minute preparations for the meal, roast pork, Parisian potatoes with broccoli and blueberry cake for desert. Peter was still out walking Satchmo and would be returning any minute and she took the wine out to let it breathe before the guests arrived.</p>
<p>She hadn’t seen Sara since the previous morning and although she knew Neal had picked her up earlier in the day, he hadn’t given any indication as to what was going on – if anything. She hoped that Sara had been able to go with her intuition but she realized that she had to keep her nose out of their affairs and support them no matter what, something which was easier said than done for someone like Elizabeth Burke. After all, she reminded herself, Neal and Sara were capable adults who were making the best decision for <em>their</em> lives, not hers.</p>
<p>The door opened and Peter entered the kitchen with Satchmo's leash in his hand, the dog following close behind.</p>
<p>'Are they here yet?' he asked.</p>
<p>'No, but it shouldn't be long.’</p>
<p>She was interrupted by the doorbell and she made her way excitedly to let the young couple in. She opened the door to Neal and Sara standing there holding hands and smiling, Neal holding a gift bag in his other hand.</p>
<p>'Come on in' she said hugging them both. Peter had caught up to her and gave Sara a quick peck on the cheek as she stepped in.</p>
<p>'How are you feeling, Sara? You look great' said Elizabeth as she ushered her in.</p>
<p>Except for the obvious bandage on her head – which had shrunk considerably in size since she’d last seen her – and the cast on her arm, Sara was looking her usual well put together self.</p>
<p>'I am <em>so</em> glad to be out of the hospital and back home' Sara answered as she stepped inside.</p>
<p>'Here' said Neal, handing over the gift bag to Elizabeth, 'We brought along a contribution.’</p>
<p>'Come on in, let's not stand around' said Peter.</p>
<p>'I'll get some glasses' said Elizabeth walking into the kitchen.</p>
<p>Neal and Sara looked at each other conspiratorially as they took their places at the dining room table and Elizabeth returned with wine glasses, sitting across from them, looking up expectantly. </p>
<p>'Thanks for having us over, guys. We’ve really appreciated your support these last few days’ said Neal as he put his arm around Sara’s shoulder.</p>
<p>‘Yes, thanks for putting up with us and mostly... for listening. We needed to work things out for ourselves’ added Sara as she looked from El to Peter.</p>
<p>‘Well, we just want the best for you guys’ said Peter as Elizabeth nodded in agreement.</p>
<p>El was having trouble containing herself and she finally took out the bottle of wine Neal had brought - except that as she removed it from the bag, she realized it <em>wasn’t</em> a bottle of wine, it was a bottle of sparkling cider.</p>
<p>‘Does this mean what I <em>think</em> it means?’ asked Elizabeth, getting to her feet.</p>
<p>Neal and Sara both nodded, a huge smile on their faces as Peter joined Elizabeth and crossed over to the other side of the table to congratulate the happy couple.</p>
<p>‘We are so happy for you guys!’ exclaimed Elizabeth as she began to cry.</p>
<p>Sara let herself be hugged by her friend, feeling all the tension from the previous week begin to melt away. </p>
<p>'We have something we want to ask you’ added Neal as Peter put his arms around him in a bear hug.</p>
<p>‘We were wondering if you and Peter would be our baby's godparents' said Sara as she looked at her friend.</p>
<p>Elizabeth squealed with joy as she hugged Sara once again and Peter nodded emphatically as they both realized the enormity of what they were being asked.</p>
<p>‘It would be an honour’ said Peter, getting uncharacteristically choked up.</p>
<p>All doubt now gone, Neal and Sara relaxed; they weren’t quite sure what challenges lay ahead but the one assurance they had was that they would be facing them together.</p>
<p>La fin</p>
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